Empty Nest: Whats Next?
Posted on June 04, 2014 by Mark Newton, One of Thousands of Career Coaches on Noomii.
Graduation Doesn't Necessarily Mean An Empty "Next."
It’s graduation season. Pretty soon, there will be a significant migration which will leave millions of parents feeling empty. What should you do with your empty nest?
First, realize that the empty nest syndrome is mostly about what comes next, and you don’t need to have an empty “next.”
Yes, there will be some huge emotional swings as both parents and children move into a new phase of life. Consider this:
“My friend Paul recently called me weeping.
Broken leg? No. Death in the family? Nuh-uh. Cheating spouse? Nope. What my teary friend was suffering from was a sudden outbreak of empty nest syndrome.
“I just got back from dropping my kid off at college in the Midwest,” he sniffed. “She’s a freshman. Everything was okay when we said goodbye. But when the plane took off for home, forget about it. At wheels-up I began to quietly cry, and I didn’t stop until somewhere over Pennsylvania. I’m still a mess.”
Paul isn’t alone. Every year, millions of parents across the country face what once seemed inconceivable to them: their youngest or only child flying the coop, leaving them with a big echo-y house and a bigger, echo-ier future." (Marlo Thomas)
It’s a major adjustment. What to do?
Esteemed advisor Dr. Phil suggests, “…eventually, you do have to come to terms with one thing: Your child is moving into another phase of his/her life, and you need to also. If your child was filling the role of taking care of you mentally and emotionally, or if he/she was your constant companion, it’s time to let your child start his/her own life. This will force you to reassess your life and find out who you really are and where your interests lie.” (Dr. Phil)
Here are six steps to get over having an empty next, suggested by Dr. Gail Saltz, a psychiatrist with New York’s Presbyterian Hospital:
“1. PLAN AHEAD:
It’s never too early to start planning and talking to your child about the future.
2. GET TO KNOW YOUR SPOUSE:
Look at the positive: This is a time for you and your husband to rekindle your romance, have privacy in the house, travel, get to know one another again.
3. MAKE A DREAM LIST:
Make a list of things you always wanted to do but couldn’t because you were raising your kids. Maybe it’s pottery, writing or learning the piano. Maybe it’s finding a new career or going back to school. You are never too old to learn. Don’t pick something that will take many years to complete, but something that interests you.
4. AVOID BIG CHANGES:
Don’t make big moves yet. Give yourself time to adjust rather than suddenly selling the house or moving. It takes most people between one and a half to two years to fully adjust.
5. TALK TO OTHER EMPTY-NESTERS:
One problem with empty-nest syndrome is that you won’t get much sympathy from those who never went through it. To them it is just a normal part of life. So look to someone who went through it fairly recently. Talking with your partner will make you feel closer to him.
6. PREPARE YOUR CHILD:
Preparing your child is good for your child and it’s also good for you. This way you won’t have to worry: Can they do laundry? Balance a check book? If not, teach them now. If they are not prepared, they will continue to rely on you, which isn’t good for either of you, so make sure you have taught them the essentials. Then try hard to let them go and be proud of yourself for the fine job of parenting you have done." (Dr. Gail Saltz)
Do you know someone experiencing the fear of an empty “next?” Send them this post, and leave your comments here. I would love to hear your story.
