The significance of "knowing thyself"

Posted on May 15, 2014 by Jim Kargakos, One of Thousands of Life Coaches on Noomii.

Bernard Malamud once wrote “If your train’s on the wrong track, every station you come to is the wrong station”. Although this is obviously a metaphorical statement, I would like you to consider it for a moment in the literal sense. Imagine that you are stuck traveling on the wrong train. With every stop, you would get out, and instantly the feeling would grab you: “Why am I here? I don’t belong here! I don’t want to be here! I’m not happy here! Get me out of here!”
Now, we can focus on the metaphorical meaning of Malamud’s quote. If your life is misdirected, you will never find yourself where you want to be, or doing what you want to be doing. You will never be “home”, or feel at peace. Frankly, you will never be… happy… Unfortunately, if you look around it isn’t difficult to notice many folks for whom this description fits perfectly. How does this calamity occur, and most importantly how can we prevent it from occurring in our own lives?
The answer to the more important question of the two (which is how to prevent such calamity) is by “knowing oneself”, or as said differently having a strong sense of identity. Obviously the above mentioned tragedy would strike under the exact opposite condition: when one has no idea (or the wrong idea of) who one is, that is when one lacks (or has a false) understanding of his likes and dislikes, his own personal emotional life, the values he espouses, etc., etc.
Allow me to use a very “superficial”, but nevertheless real-life example, to demonstrate the vast importance of having a solid sense of self. It is from quite a long time ago, but nonetheless it has stuck with me till this day, only because it’s a perfect illustration of how a “lack of identity” can lead to a suboptimal way of living, to say the least. A few years back, I received a phone call from a friend who had wandered into a “record store” (back when there still were these things called record stores…). He called to ask my opinion as to which CD he should buy. Should he buy the Eagles’ “Greatest Hits CD”, or the BeeGees “Greatest Hits CD”? Which musical group did I think was better? I was literally floored. How can someone else help you choose what music YOU like better? Did my friend even like either of these bands? Did he like music at all? Was he buying music because he enjoyed listening to it, or just because “that’s what other people do”?
One may look at the above example and think, “well, knowing or not knowing one’s own musical preferences isn’t a “make or break” thing in the grand context of things now, is it”? And I would answer “of course not”. But it amply illustrates the greater principle which I’m trying to present. My friend was looking for “guidance” in which CD to buy, when maybe, just maybe, he didn’t want to buy any CDs. Now, think of teenagers, and their typical propensity (at least in the early teen years) to succumb to what we all know as “peer pressure”. Why? Simply because they’re still not sure of who they are, and who they really want to be. Any strong outside influence can convince them to buy a ticket to “whatever train, going wherever”… Likewise, as adults, if we don’t know who we are, if we don’t have a strong sense of self, we are driven by outside voices, rather than by our own “inner voice”. We end up doing, and living our lives in accordance with what our friends think we should do, or what society touts as the “in thing”, or what advertisers convince us we must have in order to feel and be worthwhile. When instead, “the train that would be on the right track” and will lead us to everywhere we want to truly go, is the train whose direction is one that WE have personally chosen to take.
Erik Erikson, perhaps the name most synonymous with the concept of “identity”, described a person with a strong sense of self-knowledge in this fashion: “He simply feels and acts predominantly in tune with himself, his capacities, and his opportunities;… He knows where he fits (or knowingly prefers not to fit) into present conditions and developments”. “Knowing oneself” is simply imperative! When you have a solid understanding of self, it is much more likely that “the train”, i.e. the life path you have chosen, would be on the track it was meant to be on, and the stops along the way would be exactly where you intended to go. There would be no hesitation, no confusion as to the destination sought. You get to live authentically! You get to live as YOU wish, rather than finding your life being one wrong “train station” after another!
So… what are the secrets then to obtaining “self-knowledge”? Where or how does one obtain it, and through what means? Well, the attainment of “self-knowledge” is difficult (but by no means impossible) work. It begins with taking the time for quiet reflection – something which perhaps our current hectic lifestyles, as well as the “tools” that we have chosen to embrace, make quite challenging to do. Many of us live a life characterized by “hurry sickness” and utter “antsyness”. We go from here to there to there, all done with a “mental stopwatch”… Our lives have become an endless “to do list”. We are physically at one place, while mentally we are somewhere else – in the past, in the future, in the past and the future simultaneously…. Even when we (God forbid!) find five minutes with nothing immediately pressing, we find ourselves… checking Facebook, … checking the weather, …or …. just staring blankly into our smartphones, waiting for “something new” to pop up on the screen! Anything! We’ll take anything but the unbearable silence of “being alone”! But… when the tasks never seem to end, and when the “mental chatter” never ceases, and when we can’t let go of our smartphone for a minute as if it’s some sort of life-sustaining oxygen tank, when is genuine reflection possible? When can one think about perhaps the most important things he should be thinking about, such as: “Who am I? What do I stand for? Where am I going? What do I want out of life?” How, under the above mentioned conditions that many of us choose to live under, can one find himself? It isn’t likely to happen when we continually choose to sabotage ourselves in this fashion.
If I have (hopefully) proven anything above is the unqualified importance of “knowing oneself”, and the vital need to make continuous efforts to cultivate it. Make the time to be alone and reflect. Put “the gadget” down for a few minutes a day. Do some reading on developing your Emotional Intelligence – there are plenty of books out there that address this topic. Seek the assistance of a life coach, or other professional that can help you to get to know yourself better. Why? Well, because all you have is one life. And I think you will fully agree that you cannot afford to have the train you’re on be on the wrong track…

Jim Kargakos, M.A., CLC, CPC
www.olympuslifecoaching.com
“find YOUR peak”