Overcome Self-Criticism to Find Clarity and Performance
Posted on April 17, 2014 by Susanna Halonen, One of Thousands of Life Coaches on Noomii.
There's nothing wrong with being a perfectionist until it starts increasing your stress & reducing your resilience. Find a happy medium here.
When was the last time you made a mistake? Maybe your client pitch wasn’t successful. Or the performance review didn’t go quite as planned. Or you simply didn’t get through that to-do list you were so anxious about. Whatever it was, give yourself a break. When things don’t go to plan, you learn from them. And if you learn to reduce your self-criticism, you’ll be better off for it. Here’s why.
Self-criticism that’s in overdrive can make it harder to deal with challenges, connect with people and be creative. It can lead to higher levels of stress, insecurity and anxiousness – so there’s not much good to it really! On the other hand, when you choose the self-compassion route, you’ll find a new source of energy, inner strength, and learning. This in turn makes you more resilient in the face of setbacks, more productive, and puts you in a better frame of mind to come up with new solutions to overcome challenges. Overall, it reduces your levels of stress and increases feelings of wellbeing.
So how do you get started? The first step to overcoming self-criticism is to understand the key components of self compassion:
1. Be kind with yourself as you would be with a friend.
2. Recognise that making mistakes is a part of being human.
3. Become aware of your own feelings so you are better able to manage them.
The great thing is that self-compassion is learnable so you can start embracing it right away – and here are two ways for you to get started:
- Write down some of the self-talk you do, especially from when you’ve faced a challenge or made a mistake. Then assess whether you’d say these things to a friend. If the answer is no, you know you’ve got to change how you speak to yourself!
- Develop self-compassion phrases to say to yourself when you hear the negative self-talk come in. For example, I use phrases like “I am focused, determined and passionate,” I am enough just the way I am,” and “I am forever learning and growing, learning to master life.”
Remember that being compassionate to yourself is just as important as being compassionate towards others. Some of the kindest people you know might be very unkind to themselves, similar to over-achievers. Learn to extend that kindness to yourself and you’ll find motivation to perform and see challenges as learning opportunities. Not only will being self-compassionate lead to success, but it will also help you find inner peace and happiness.
