What is The Feeling Wheel?
Posted on March 12, 2014 by Passion Provokers, One of Thousands of Relationship Coaches on Noomii.
The Feeling Wheel, Passion Provokers, Discovering who you are, Understand Your Feelings, Be more in-tune with Your Feelings, Feeling Wheel
By Ariel Minter
You often hear our team refer to The Feeling Wheel. This is because, as simple and insignificant as it may seem, it is one of the most powerful tools. Not only is it powerful, but it is so simple that you could teach children as young as four to use this successfully.
The common curiosity surrounding The Wheel is how it can be used. The uses really are limitless, but the main one that we teach at Passion Provokers is how to use it as a way to train yourself to communicate effectively.
There are a gazillion conferences, books, blogs, and talk shows that teach exclusively on how to become a better communicator. In fact, founder’s and owner’s Jami and Marla Keller have even written one (see How Men Make Women Crazy & Vice Versa: Ending the Madness).
As humans, we tend to overcomplicate just about everything. Thank goodness we do, it means that we are actually using the most amazing resource there is to use: our brains. We have proven to be intricately complicated and genius. Just with bettering most things in our complicated lives, we must first simplify our understanding, therefore simplifying our approach.
The Feeling Wheel is not only simple; it also acts as a cheat-sheet. It takes a lot of the work out of trying to sift through all the possible answers you might give when asked “How are you feeling?”.
One truth that Passion Provokers firmly believes is this: No one can argue with your feelings. This is because there are no “wrong” feelings. CAREFUL! This is NOT a get-out-of-jail-free card to just be an a-hole. It simply means that you never have to justify your feelings. You can be angry, happy, and peaceful all at the same time.
The first time Jami Keller ever told me this, I was confused. How is is possible to feel such “conflicting” emotions? The truth is, it isn’t conflictual to feel seemingly oppositional feelings. In fact, it may mean you are more in tune with yourself than you even know. You can be angry about A. Happy about X. And peaceful about Y. The best part? There is absolutely no math-y kind of formula involved! They don’t equal anything but your feelings. And, as I mentioned above, all feelings are yours, to not only be felt, but to be healthfully expressed.
When you choose not to express your feelings healthfully, they come out in all sorts of ugly ways. It can come out as snapping a few nasty words at your partner, or it can evolve to something more intense, like a fight or a breakup.
The Feeling Wheel’s purpose is to show you what your potential feelings may be, and then to (hopefully) share them. My husband and I try to call or text each other at least a few times a week just to share 3 feelings with one another. Yes, we have to plan this ahead of time, even though we live in the same home and get plenty of time together outside of the work week.
What’s really neat is that you don’t even have to share anything “major”. It can be as simple as “I’m feeling peaceful because the weather is nice today.”
The intimacy that naturally comes from sharing your feelings is unbeatable. Not only does it open the door for communication, but it allows you to understand your partner in ways that you likely haven’t before.
Stay tuned for next week, we will be explaining the best way to use The Feeling Wheel!
If you’re interested in using The Wheel, you can do so on your phone with The Feeling Wheel App, or we would be happy to mail you a laminated copy, or e-mail you the graphic so you can print it at home.
