The Importance of Boundaries
Posted on March 03, 2014 by Ally Martin, One of Thousands of ADD ADHD Coaches on Noomii.
It is important to establish personal boundaries, not only to protect yourself emotionally and physically, but to protect your needs, values, and goal
As I was considering topics for this newsletter, I noticed that issues around boundaries kept popping up. Setting healthy personal boundaries can be difficult for many people. However, they are essential for maintaining healthy relationships at work and at home. Failure to protect your personal boundaries often leads to feelings of guilt, stress, resentment, and tension. When you have ADHD, this stress can shut down your prefrontal cortex, making it difficult for your brain to function effectively.
Setting Boundaries
Boundaries are essentially rules about what you will or will not allow into your life. These rules allow you to protect and take care of yourself. In order to set boundaries, you need to consider your needs, values, and goals. When something is out of sync with these things, it may indicate missing boundaries. For example, if you feel obligated to drop an important project in order to give a friend a ride somewhere, you are not protecting your boundaries.
A Few Questions to Ask Yourself
When you experience feelings of unhappiness, guilt, stress, or tension, stop and ask yourself the following questions:
Is this in line with my personal needs, values, and goals?
Am I able to communicate my feelings about this issue?
Can I say “no” or “stop” without feelings of guilt?
Is this really my problem, or is it someone else’s?
If you answer no to any of these questions, it may be time to take a step back and consider what
boundaries you need to set in place.
It’s OK to Say No
Once you have set your boundaries, it may take some time before you are comfortable with enforcing those boundaries. You may feel guilty or uncomfortable saying no or stop. Keep practicing! It will get easier with time. Find a way to remind yourself of the alternatives (If I stop to help someone now, I won’t have time to complete my own work.)
