Compare and Despair!

Posted on August 27, 2010 by Nicole Burley, One of Thousands of Life Coaches on Noomii.

This morning, I walked into my regular yoga class and discovered that the woman on the mat next to me was one of the hottest Victoria’s Secret models of the moment. Just when I was feeling a little ‘thicker’ than I like to feel, here’s Victoria and her Secret being all shiny and perfect – literally – right next to me. Awesome. Thanks.

I know, I know, I know that yoga is not about comparing yourself to other people or judging yourself harshly. I usually do a really great job of keeping my mind on my own mat. But something about having this woman – this symbol of all things sexy and desirable – RIGHT next to me….kinda messed me up a bit.

In each downward-facing-dog, I would sneak a peek to see what she looked like, how her body compared to mine, if she was really that va-va-voom and pouty and sexy. Were her proportions really that perfect, her boobs that voluptuous, her butt that perky, her hair that shiny? In essence…..I was trying to torture myself. How far-less-than-perfect was I, compared to her? What a brutal exercise, eh?? Yikes.

But as I stole glance after glance of this young woman, trying to discern the super-powers that made her a supermodel, not only did I start to feel super-creepy about myself, but I also realized that – with all due respect – she was simply a very pretty, very, very thin young woman. Had I not recognized her lovely face as that of a model, I probably would never have looked at her twice – let alone at every upside-down opportunity. I do not mean to take anything away from her, or to knock her down to make myself feel better. I simply share with you that this woman who looks so smokin’ hot and ripe when she’s looming on a billboard, busting out of her lingerie is, in real life, just one of those people who happens to have lovely bone structure and be super-super skinny. She was likely born that way. I see women like that all the time and I am not phased or driven to self-recrimination. Or creepy staring. Yet, apparently, when I see these models in magazines, on TV, or on billboards – all tricked out – something takes over and I feel like there is a STANDARD to which I am not measuring up. I ‘should’ look like THAT in my underwear – and I don’t. To discover that, in reality, this woman is just……half-way normal…….was a welcome relief. Maybe THAT’S Victoria’s secret.

As a person with regular exposure to the behind-the-scenes magic of theatre, make-up, costumes, and lighting, you would think that I would KNOW by now that models and actors don’t really look like that in real life. It’s a lot of smoke and mirrors, and Spanx, and extensions, and chicken cutlets, and spray tans. And, again, lighting. And yet I am 100% guilty of ‘comparing’ myself and judging myself by the standard of these FAKE and manufactured images. I might as well compare myself to a muppet – because, in many ways, it’s just as fake. Why am I making myself crazy? I mean, even the Victoria’s Secret model doesn’t look like a Victoria’s Secret model when she’s out and about doing yoga.

This experience was a lesson for me in just……keeping my eyes on my own mat – literally and figuratively. What is the purpose or benefit in comparing yourself to others? To what end?? Things are not always as they seem – and the goal to which you are aspiring may not even be real. You may be comparing yourself to a muppet. What IS real, though, is that I balanced in half-moon pose for a lot longer today than I did yesterday – and that was cool.

What do you think? Do you hold yourself to any unrealistic standards – bodywise or otherwise? How is it benefiting you? How is it not as useful?