A Happy Marriage: How Submission is the Foundation for a Happy Marriage

Posted on December 12, 2013 by Brian Reck, One of Thousands of Relationship Coaches on Noomii.

Even though submission is a dirty word to woman, I believe that Submission is Power and it is through submission that a happy marriage results. Most woman have “turned off” by now, simply because they are offended by the term. It could easily be substituted with as “feminine energy.” If you are one of those that has already stopped reading, your defensiveness and insecurity own you. Through my time working with couples, I have found this counsel to not only be brilliant, but perfect. Of course there is more to the equation then simply submission though. When we focus completely on this one concept and do not include the rest, it would be, and should be offensive.
After losing my wife to cancer, I had to start dating again at 47 years old. I dated some wonderful woman. What I noticed while dating woman who had been divorced, was they all had the same attitude toward their ex-husbands. Everyone of them, without exception, told me that their ex-husband was very controlling. I have found this to be consistent among woman who have unhealthy and unhappy marriages, as well as those who are divorced, to make this claim. Any woman who does not read this entire article, will be quite offended by this next statement. It is my experience, that a majority of the time, it is the woman who is controlling. She claims it is the man that is controlling because she is not getting her way. It is normally hinged on deep insecurities which were had prior to marriage. I will have to say the man is not without fault though. Much of the time he is as much as fault if not more. I will discuss that later, but I want to focus first on the submission part because I believe that is where all the power is. I also believe it is the foundation of a healthy marriage. Nothing else happens correctly without it. In other words, the woman is in complete control if she submits to her husband. If she does not, there is simply a continued battle for control whether it is passive or open and aggressive. If she only knew how much power she really had. Most think by resisting being controlled, they have the power. Actually, it is the exact opposite. It is through giving up control, that we gain power.
Don’t misunderstand though. The power that is gained is not control over another person, it is control of ones self. It is the confidence to be who you should be and want to be. It is the power to experience and have the choice to be internally at peace. It enables one to access their inner strengths and abilities. When we are constantly fighting for control, we close off those avenues by which we naturally experience solitude and satisfaction with ourselves and life. You might refer to it as a an internal Great Wall of China. As long as we are guarding ourselves and protecting ourselves from losing power, we actually lose the strength and confidence. The other tragic result is; It prevents a man from being the loving husband that he needs to be in order to have an intimate relationship.
So what does does it mean to be submissive? The term itself ignites negative connotations of subservience. Much like a slave would be to their master. This is not at all what it means in a happy marriage. It is more an attitude than an act. This is more apparent when both parties participate properly. At first it may have to be offered in a subservient manner, but as the husband responds with Love and service, it becomes more a sharing of power and authority rather than one serving the other while one is the leader and the other the follower. You might say, submission is the first step toward having a happy marriage. It definitely is not the final step though. Like I said above, without the submissive part, none of the rest will fall into place.
A relationship cannot become equal because two people decide to be equal. Equality is the natural result, not the starting goal. The starting goal is for the woman to have an attitude of submissiveness, while the man surrenders control through love and serving his wife. Those are the goals. If you try to be equal and fair, one will always have more power. Normally in those instances, it becomes the woman. So why does it have to be this way?
I hope it isn’t a new thing for you to know that men and woman are different. Whether you believe it or not, in healthy happy men and woman, woman are naturally more tender, caring and compassionate then men. Don’t get “wrapped around the axle” because there may be some exceptions to the rule. It is not chauvinistic at all, even though at first it may seem that way. It simply fits perfectly into the natural talents and abilities that are common among most healthy men and woman. Because woman are normally better nurturers, or more caring, it seems to make them more vulnerable to hurt feelings. If you have a tender caring heart, you normally will be hurt when others are not concerned for your welfare, or at least that is the perception. This is not a bad thing though. This is where men have to fill their part of the partnership or being submissive doesn’t help. Which unfortunately is one of the reasons couple don’t become equal. Men need to be sensitive to a woman’s tenderness. This is imperative. When a woman opens her heart to others, being cold, cruel or degrading is unacceptable. It is kind of like when a man’s sexual motor is running and woman says no. The result is the same. A deep hurt is experienced and healing the relationship becomes very difficult. As a matter of fact, I would say the most confident, strong and aggressive (when needed) woman are those who have shared and equal relationships with their husbands. Of course, like I said, the equality doesn’t come without the submission. It is the foundation of a happy marriage. I truly believe that Submission is power.

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