The world around you changes only when you do

Posted on October 18, 2013 by Lisa Ruggeri, One of Thousands of Life Coaches on Noomii.

We may want circumstances or situations in our lives to change but they never do. We might change jobs, friends, homes, or cities but things never seem to change. It seems like we are always running after something or chasing after a dream that just won’t come true.

Does this sound familiar? Would you like to know how to change any circumstance or situation in your life? Keep reading.

Time to look in the mirror for change.

There is one common denominator with everything listed above that you want changed, you. That is right, you. If you want change in your life, with regards to any area you are the one that has to change. That is right you have to change for circumstances or situations in your life to change.

Change is a time to take a deep reflection into yourself and see what areas might need adjusting. We are in charge of our own life and destination, so if we want change we have to take steps to accomplish this change. The first step is looking within yourself to see what we can change. We might refer to this as putting a mirror up in front of us and truly getting to know the person reflecting back. Take the time to reveal what area in life that need to be changed, then figure out what we are doing to continue that pattern in our own life.

Time to take responsibility.

For some, taking a quality and in depth look at themselves is frightening. Most truly expect those around us to change but refuse to change themselves. By expecting others to change means we are not willing to take some form of responsibility.

By taking responsibility we are not necessarily declaring we are at fault for an event or situation. We can be responsible for our own actions following the event or situation that led us to where we are right now. There is a huge difference and here is an example.

A child grows up being abused by their mother and abandoned by their father. The child has no control or responsibility for this childhood situation. The child grows up not trusting anyone and seeking unhealthy attention from guys. This child, now an adult quickly falls in love, has only short term relationships and does not trust anyone. This is the area that needs to be explored and identified. This now adult has to take responsibility that they are the one in charge of their feelings of easily falling in love, lack of trust in someone that could lead to a long term relationship. Despite the pattern of their behavior, they are desperately seeking the love of their life and a loving long term relationship.

This is an extreme situation but describes nicely the difference between the lack of fault for the original event or situation and the responsibility of our actions and reaction as an adult following that event. Sometimes, recognizing and understanding this difference will make a huge difference in your life.

Time to look at your life.

Now it’s your turn.
• Figure out what area in life you would like to change, it is suggested you focus on one area at a time.
• Write down your discontent concerning this area. How do you feel? How long does it take you to feel this discontent once you start a new? What is your reaction once you start feeling discontent? What are your actions once you are discontent? Try to identify all your feelings and thoughts surrounding this area.
• Think back into your past, try to identify the beginning times you started having those feelings and thoughts. What event(s) or circumstance(s) surrounded it? Who was there, or not there?
• The key here is to recognize where this is all coming from in your past. Identify the reason why you are having this discontent. This is the beginning of the healing process.
• Identify the event or situation that was not in your control.
• Identify the actions or reactions we now take on in our life that hinders from change happening. This is the area we need to take responsibility for.

A huge key point to bring up here is to be patient, not only through the above process and with yourself. If you can’t recognize the event or situation right away, keep a journal and log your thoughts and feelings as they arise. The answer might just come in time as you explore your discontent.

You may get to the point where you need extra help, depending on the situation. If you get to the point you feel this is necessary, please reach out for that help. You can go to professional services through counseling. You can also reach out to your church or one in your area. The pastors are great services for counseling and help.

If you would like to be coached with a life coach, I can help you. I carve out a few FREE strategy sessions each week. If you would like a complimentary strategy session (Value = $250), simply contact me using the contact form to the right.