The First Factor Associated with Marital Satisfaction (Part.1)

Posted on October 03, 2013 by Hadi Yassin, One of Thousands of Family Coaches on Noomii.

Communication:

Communication skills have been identified as “key” to successful, satisfying marital relationships (e.g., Bienvenu, 1969; Bienvenu, 1970; Gottman, 1982; Levenson, & Gottman, 1999; Markman, 1981; Montgomery, 1981). With effective communication skills, couples spend more time sharing their personal emotions and less time in conflict (Kirchler, 1989). According to studies, the main factors associated with positive communication include active listening, self-disclosure, and conflict resolution.

First, active listening is a particular way of listening and responding to others that entails paying respectful attention to the content and feelings expressed in another person’s communication (Katz & McNulty, 1994). It is a process of hearing and understanding, and expressing to the other that he or she is being heard and understood (Amato & Rogers, 1999; Katz & McNulty, 1994). During active listening, a partner responds “actively” to another while keeping her attention focused completely on the speaker (Amato & Rogers, 1999; Katz & McNulty, 1994).Active listening is also the most common and useful technique recommended for resolving conflict (Espinosa, 2003). Benefits for those individuals who have been “listened to” include becoming more emotionally mature, being less defensive, and being more democratic and less authoritarian (Rogers & Farson, 1987). Active listening builds deep, positive relationships and alters in a constructive manner the attitudes of the person being listen to (Rogers & Farson, 1987).

A second key factor of positive communication is self-disclosure, i.e., when one partner purposely reveals personal information to another (Derlega, Metts,Petronio, & Margulis, 1993). Self-disclosure is an important aspect of relationship dynamics as it contributes to the development and maintenance of marital satisfaction.According to Laurenceau et al. (2004), two people cannot be in an intimate relationship if they cannot express their emotions and if they don’t share some personal, somewhat confidential information with each other. Fitzpatrick and Sollie (1999), state that the level of self-disclosure can predict marital happiness over time, with couples who are able to share their emotions with their partners and talk about their difficulties being more satisfied with their relationships (Finkenauer & Hazam, 2000). Curiously, studies suggest that couples shouldn’t necessarily discuss everything. While moderate levels of self-disclosure are associated with high levels of marital satisfaction, both low and high levels of self-disclosure are associated with low levels of marital satisfaction (e.g., Schumm et al., 1986). It is suggested that couples productively discuss those problems that can have a resolution or can result in a change in behavior (e.g., Mackey, Diemer, & O’Brien, 2004).

A third factor related to positive communication is conflict resolution. Hocker and Wilmot (1978) define conflict asa situation where two or more parties have conflicting goals which cause one partner’s goals to interfere with the other being able to achieve their goals. Gottman (1999) has found that the quality of communication (including being respectful and/or using humor) between couples when they try to resolve a conflict (e.g., over money, sex, in-laws) is associated with changes in marital satisfaction and divorce. In addition, a couple’s sense of satisfaction within a marriage can be linked to the ability to successfully manage conflict more than most other variables within a relationship (Greeff & Bruyne, 2000). If couples don’t have the skills to resolve their problems, new problems will build up, old ones will become chronic, and marital satisfaction will deteriorate (Espicosa, 2003). In sum, studies indicate that poor communication skills are a key reason why unhappy couples suffer from marital dissatisfaction and distress (Litzinger& Gordon, 2005; Markman, 1981), with distressed couples reporting more destructive communication behavior and conflict avoidance (Stephen, 2005). Frequent use of negative communication styles e.g., criticizing, complaining, and making sarcastic comments, are related to marital distress and dissatisfaction (Gottman & Krokoff, 1989; Margolin & Wampold, 1981).

With poor communication skills, couples are unable to express their emotions to one another which can cause them to be defensive or withdraw from a conflictive situation, which can lead to marital dissatisfaction. According to a longitudinal study by Amato and Rogers (1997), couples who later divorced vs. those who remained together were found to communicate less clearly, listen to their spouses less thoughtfully, self-disclose less often, express negative emotions (and few positive emotions) conversations, and spend less time together.