Taking Control of Your Internal Dialogue

Posted on August 28, 2013 by Dennis Carroll, One of Thousands of Life Coaches on Noomii.

We are never not communicating. We are either speaking out loud, or we are listening. Often the voice we are listening to is our own. As we think we, communicate to ourselves. This is known as your internal dialogue.

We all have a pervasive internal dialogue: things we say to ourselves, about ourselves, over and over again. Deepak Chopra said, “95% of the thoughts you had yesterday, you will have again today and again tomorrow.” Often, during this internal dialogue, we are not kind to ourselves.

A few years back, my internal dialogue was largely made up of scolding myself for past mistakes and or embarrassing moments. Back then, I could think of something that happened 10 or even 20 years prior. I would focus on what I did wrong and end up calling myself (expletives deleted)all kinds of derogatory names. Try as I might to stop this behavior, it persisted for years. In fact, the more I resisted it, the worse it got.

For the majority of my life coaching clients, (and most people) their internal dialogue consists of thinking about what is wrong with themselves, or the things they did wrong(whether it is real or perceived), and scolding themselves and “beating themselves up.” And for most of them, they feel as if they do not have control over it. They say, “the thoughts come out of no where and I try to stop them but I can’t. They just keep coming up over and over.” Over time, these thoughts, can have a powerfully negative impact on your quality of life and level of fulfillment.

It’s funny to me: most of us are more selective of the clothes we wear, the car we drive and how we wear our hair then we are about the thoughts we think! It seems as if most people allow random thoughts to run rampantly. Their internal dialogue is then directed by their unconscious brain, which works 400 to 2,000 times faster then the conscious brain. And that is why it feels like those thoughts are outside of their control.

Why does it matter? Because it is our thoughts and what we focus on, that starts the process of creating our emotional state (how we feel). Thinking thoughts of what is wrong will make you feel bad. Thinking thought of abundance and gratitude will make you feel good. If you have a choice (and you do), which way do you want to feel? Duh.

So what can we do about it? Here are three simple and practical steps to take control of your I.D.
Ø Become aware. This is the most important step. It is most easily done by noticing your internal dialogue any time you feel negative emotion. Get curious and notice what you are saying or were just saying internally to make yourself feel bad. What were you focused on? This can feel difficult at first but with a little time and practice it gets easy. Really easy.

Ø Take a sheet of paper and write out in long hand with a pen (there’s an important reason to do it this way as opposed to digital), write out “I am” statements of complimentary things you believe to be true about yourself. Not things you wish were true but t hings you believe are true NOW.If you get stuck, go to the web and look up adjectives. Or ask friends or family what they admire most about you. Write out as many as you can. Eg; “I am a really good guy.” ’ “I am’ statements that you believe to be true about yourself will, over time, get tied to your identity. When you finish your list reread the statements to yourself. Notice which one(s) FEEL the best to you. Pick one and memorize it.

Ø Next-Make real time corrections- Now when you notice that you internal dialogue is negative about you , make real time corrections. In that moment, it does not matter what the negative thought is, all that matters is that you REPLACE that thought with a positive one about yourself (the one you memorized) that you believe is true.

That’s it. Simple right? Apply these steps on a regular basis and I promise you will live a happier life. And who doesn’t want to be happy?

Dennis Carroll has helped literally thousands of people in the region. He is a certified Values Alignment Life Coach and an expert in Nuero Linguistic Programming and Ericksonian Hypnosis and language patterns. He can be reached at 610-429-9002 or found on the web at westchesterpersonaltrainers.com