Soccer Moms Gone Psycho!

Posted on August 14, 2013 by Dena Alleman, One of Thousands of Relationship Coaches on Noomii.

Sorry – no great drama to report, but I got your attention! This isn’t really about just soccer moms but about us sports parents as a bunch of which I am one. We’ve all heard the reports of parents fighting on the sidelines, cussing at the refs, cussing at the kids, cussing at the coaches, and it could be at a game of 4-year olds! What has happened to send parents over the edge?

I think the culture of star-status and celebrity (pro, college, and local sports) has unduly influenced many adults to pressure their kids to perform at an extreme level with a “winning is everything” and “my kid is the best” mentality. Why have the values of learning to play as a team, learning good sportsmanship, learning a new skill, learning tenacity and overcoming tough circumstances become so much lesser than winning? These skills will carry over into our children’s lives much more than simply winning. When I worked in the corporate world, if my parents had come in and yelled at my boss for the review I’d received or gotten in the face of the HR person because they felt the salary range was too low, I’d have been mortified.

The truth is, many of our kids ARE mortified by our behavior. That kids are shushing their parents from the field – even my own – is convicting and humbling. Our kids often exhibit more self-control and composure than the parents during a game.

The NCCA has a table where they estimate the number of High School athletes that play at the college level. The largest percentage is 11% for Men’s Hockey (with the overall lowest number of HS athletes) and the lowest is 3% for Men’s Basketball. The statistics the NCAA sites for those college athletes moving on to play professionally are even more with only baseball having more than 2% of college athletes going on to play professionally. The average retirement age for any world class athlete is 33. So – why are we turning our kids (and ourselves) inside out for uber-performance from a 6-year old?!

After this soccer season, my ex-husband and I agreed that our 13-year old daughter could continue and tryout for club soccer, play rec league, or do something else entirely. We wanted her to know that she had our support for what SHE wanted to do. While she has a lot of natural ability and loved playing soccer, the intensity of club ball, the angst of many parents around upcoming tryouts and having their kids tryout at multiple clubs to get on the “best” team possible, and the recurring injuries brought her to the decision to abandon soccer and return to dance – her first love. Yes, dance can be competitive, and she’ll probably return to competition there as well, but the studio owner and instructors are very encouraging and focused on growth and fun – not like the infamous “Dance Moms” show. It’s sad that at 13-years old, our kids have to start picking a specialty if they want to excel. I’m almost 50 and still trying new things!

The result of such parenting pressure are many: loss of the love of the game, ever increasing severe sports injuries at younger and younger ages, loss of respect for their parents, and most importantly a loss of self-esteem. After all, if they’re not “the best” what are they?

I’m hoping to help parents, kids, and coaches change this via some workshops and tele-seminars with current pro athletes, All-American college athletes, elite amateur athletes, and former Olympic athletes to highlight what helped & harmed them as athletes and what they took from their sports into their adult lives. The goal is to develop a healthier “mental game” and lessen performance anxiety that should translate into every aspect of the kids (and hopefully parents) lives. (go to www.EspritConcepts.com for more information)

So – go ahead and cheer your kids on loudly and proudly in the classroom, on the field, and on the stage. Just don’t make them shush you!