Are You Addicted to Heartache?

Posted on July 27, 2013 by Jack Ori, One of Thousands of Life Coaches on Noomii.

I used to feel like I was dating the same person over and over. All my relationships quickly transformed into nightmares full of fiery arguments, misunderstandings and me feeling invisible, unaccepted and unloved by my partner. I’d try to compensate by giving my partner money and other gifts; entangling our finances added another layer of complexity to an already unhealthy relationship. I didn’t like the way my lovers treated me and worse, I didn’t like who I seemed to become in these relationships.

When this sort of pattern occurs, it’s easy to fall into a victim mentality and blame fate, the entire gender you’re dating or humanity in general for your “bad luck.” The truth is, though, that dating disasters aren’t because of fate or bad luck or because men, women or people in general are evil. If you’re dating the same not-so-good-for-you people over and over, then on some level you are creating that reality. This might sound like a bad thing—after all, nobody wants to continue experiencing heartbreak. Realizing you’ve been doing it to yourself can be depressing. It’s actually good news, though, because if you have the power to create unhealthy relationships in your life, you also have the power to create the love you deserve.

If you’ve been continually attracting heartache, here’s some things you can do to break the cycle:

• Make a list of the problems you encountered in each of your last three relationships. Look for the common threads. For me, I tended to date people who were not financially independent and who were critical or sarcastic. These tendencies gave me some clues as to the limiting beliefs that were informing my dating life.

• Take a break from dating. If you’re caught up in a cycle of bad dating experiences, you need to stop dating for a while so you can get to know and love yourself again. While you are refraining, notice the type of people you are attracted to. See if you can figure out what about them you find attractive.

*Make a list of your values. Many people make the mistake of dating people who do not share their values, and this can lead to disappointment or conflict. Take some time to figure out what is really important to you so you can begin manifesting a partner who shares those values.

• Create some affirmations around deserving love. Relationship issues often stem from a lack of self-love. Begin focusing on accepting and loving yourself so you can attract people who value your real self.

If you want real love in your life and never seem to find it, changing your core beliefs about yourself and the type of love you deserve can help.

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