Change: Don't Force it! by Kirk McMillan
Posted on July 15, 2013 by Kirk McMillan, One of Thousands of Executive Coaches on Noomii.
Change is not something you can force and this article discusses the skills needed to create change.
As a parent, business owner, friend, co-worker, spouse, or sibling, have you ever tried to get someone to change their behavior? Maybe you tried to force them to change by demanding it with a “do as I say” attitude. Maybe you tried the facts approach by stating all the research on why they should change? Or did you try instilling fear? “You will die if you keep smoking” approach. Most likely, if you used the 3 F’s strategy of force, facts or fear, you didn’t instill much change behavior, according to Deutschman in his book Change or Die: The Three Keys to Change in Work and in Life.
We are surrounded by fear in the news, overwhelmed by facts (just ask google), and under the rule of force in corporate America. Usually when we are surrounded by an overabundance of things, we tend to ignore them. Deutschman suggests there are three keys to lasting change: relate, repeat and reframe.
We are social creatures, so we have an innate desire to relate. As humans, we are blessed with an imagination to see ourselves behaving the way we would like to behave. Relating requires selling and gives us new hope. We begin to believe the possibilities. As we experience our new relationship, we begin developing new experiences and new skills. We have to repeat and practice which takes training. Having a good teacher, mentor or coach can help guide and increase our ability to master the new skills. With new skills, we begin looking at the world with new eyes, seeing new possibilities and opportunities. This is where lasting change takes place.
In my coaching practice, I run across frustrated executives and parents who have been trying to get employees and children to change, to no avail. As we discuss their tactics for instilling change, they have tried fear, force and facts. So, if you relate to their frustration, you may need to change and try something new. Relate, repeat and reframe. Instill new hope, new skills, and new thinking.
“Insanity is doing the same thing over and over again, expecting different results.” – Einstein
Kirk McMillan is an Executive and family business coach living in Charleston, SC.
