Surviving and Thriving after the college send off
Posted on June 25, 2013 by Allison Kramer, One of Thousands of Life Coaches on Noomii.
How empty nesting and starting college are equally exciting. And SCARY! 5 things you can do for yourself as your child leaves for college.
When I think about sending off a child to college, all I can think about is hitting the restart button. Think back to when your precious baby was born; remember that crazy feeling of “oh my gosh, they are letting us leave with her? Are we are qualified for this?” Well, you are right back at that same kind of moment. Except I can wholeheartedly tell you… YOU ARE QUALIFIED, and she is going to leave you.
This amazing individual that you taught to go potty, kissed their first booboo, and gave the keys to your car is leaving. They are leaving to start their journey, and a life of independence. Except here’s the thing: they still need you and your help (not to mention, most likely a lot of financial support).
Young adults “leaving the nest” today are in an unpredictable place. They have no idea where the economy is going, and most have little idea of what they will do after college. But then honestly, did we?
Just as you are nervous about letting go and watching them head towards college life, they are nervous about leaving you. They want independence with guidance. Young adults are hungry for approval and direction, and they are looking to you for it. So, how as parents can we go forward giving them their independence and taking ours back?
Recently, one of my clients asked me how to stand up for her independence when she was still financially dependent on her folks. I coached her on the values she has and how honoring those will help her become able to make decisions on her own, resulting in financial responsibility along the way. This is the perfect teaching opportunity for parents; using our “empty nesting” as an example of taking risks and being true to ourselves, we can teach our children just as we did when they were little.
Here are 5 things you can do for yourself as your child leaves for college.
1. GO out there and do something y’all have always wanted to. Whatever form of fear that has been holding you back…let it go. This is a great way to show your child how to take a risk by trying something new. Stepping outside of your comfort zone can teach you about yourself.
2. Look at your schedule. I bet it is a lot less full with your child gone. You are now free to fill it up with things about you; isn’t that amazing? You are getting a chance to just BE again, to figure out what you want to do with your free time. Is there a class you are interested in or maybe a hobby you’ve wanted to try?
3. Embrace your emotions; it is okay to be sad or lonely without your child. Show them that you are okay even on the sad days by engaging in activities, hanging out with friends, or reconnecting for a few minutes with a text.
4. Leave the line of communications open, but don’t ask too many questions. They will be more comfortable sharing if they don’t feel like it’s an inquisition. (Yes, even though you may be dying to know who they are dating.)
5. Spend time “dating” again. Remember that person you’ve been sharing your life with, the one you picked all those years ago. Make a list of things you can do together, and start crossing them off.
By doing these 5 simple things, you will actually show your child how to deal with their new life—-finding new friends, deciding what classes they like, dealing with the emotional roller coaster of freshman year, and dating. These are all similar to the actions you are taking. Be open about what it’s like to “start over,” and together you will both survive and thrive!
