Healthy boundaries? What are those?
Posted on June 11, 2013 by Elizabeth Fadling, One of Thousands of Life Coaches on Noomii.
Elizabeth Fadling, owner of Ally Coaching LLC, explains why setting personal boundaries is essential to reducing stress, anger, and anxiety.
Recently, I finished working with a client who desperately wanted to learn how to set healthy boundaries. Her entire life she had believed that “being a good person and keeping the peace” meant that she could not say no to anyone. She also believed that she could not (or should not) cut ties with any of the toxic people in her life.
This particular client took much pride in her Christian lifestyle and she had always believed that being a good person, and being a good Christian, meant that she should be able to tolerate just about anything. Yet she was struggling with an incredible amount of inner turmoil and it was affecting every aspect of her life. My client assumed that everything would be fine if she could just “keep on being nice and continue pleasing everyone else.”
The problem was that, because of her inability to set boundaries, this wonderful woman was anxious all of the time. She was frustrated and stressed. She had become short-tempered with her family and, on the inside, she was absolutely seething with anger. It was difficult for her to admit any of this. She was incredibly embarrassed and ashamed (even though all of my client’s feelings were completely normal). She was desperate for some resolution and some peace.
It took some time for this particular client to shift her thinking and her behavior, but her hard work and dedication paid off enormously. She is now able to set clear boundaries with confidence and she speaks up whenever someone oversteps.
My client’s struggle to set boundaries, especially with manipulative, pushy, or difficult people, is not uncommon. I would say that most people have a difficult time setting boundaries at one time or another.
Understand that allowing yourself to be a doormat isn’t beneficial to anyone. Saying yes when you mean no, and taking responsibility for things that you are not (or should not be) responsible for is never a good thing. By letting the world run over you, again and again, you become worn out. You become soiled and ragged. You become tired and unclean. You lose your brilliance and your shine. You become the very person you do not want to be – angry, stressed, anxious, fatigued…
We are all here to contribute to the universe, and to learn lessons…but how much can we expect to contribute or learn if we are trampled, angry, and exhausted?
By setting clear and defined boundaries you will begin to live a life that is filled with more peace, abundance, and joy – and you deserve all of these things. It is important to remember that wanting the best for the people around you doesn’t necessarily mean that they want what’s best for you! It is your divine right and your responsibility to protect and care for yourself by artfully creating some beautiful, strong, and healthy boundaries! By learning to set healthy boundaries, you will be better equipped to deal with the people and the world around you. Remember, In order to heal the rest of the world, we must begin within ourselves.
Not quite ready to boldly claim and defend your personal space? Try starting with a daily meditation practice, begin working with a life coach or mentor, work on your self-confidence, be gentle with yourself, connect with nature… Start with baby-steps. The first step you take will set you on the path to peace and joy.
