1. Home
  2. About Coaching
  3. Coaching Articles

Forgive For (Your Own) Good

Posted on May 30, 2013 by Dawn Hale, One of Thousands of Life Coaches on Noomii.

What is forgiveness and why should we forgive those who have harmed us? The healthy benefits of forgiving and the painful price of holding resentments

 What is forgiveness and what does it mean to forgive others? Exactly what are the benefits of forgiveness and why should we choose to forgive those who have harmed us? My interest in the subject led to my becoming a certified forgiveness trainer in 2010. What I have learned is sometimes surprising. Let’s start with a definition of forgiveness. I like the Mayo Clinic’s definition which follows:

“Generally, forgiveness is a decision to let go of resentments and thoughts of revenge. The act that hurt or offended you might always remain a part of you life, but forgiveness can lessen its grip on you and help you focus on other, more positive parts of your life. Forgiveness can even lead you to feelings of understanding, empathy and compassion for the one who hurt you. Forgiveness doesn’t mean that you deny the other person’s responsibility for hurting you and it doesn’t minimize or justify the wrong. You can forgive the person without excusing the act. Forgiveness brings a kind of peace that helps you go on with life.” (Mayo Foundation for Medical Education and Research, MH0031, Nov. 23, 2011).

There is a lot research on the benefits of forgiveness on the forgiver. Much of it has come out of Stanford University’s Forgiveness Project co-founded and directed by Dr. Fred Luskin. In his ground breaking book, Forgive For Good: A proven Prescription for Health and Happiness (Harper Collins, 2002) Dr. Luskin enumerates many of the positive benefits of forgiveness as well as some of the harms caused by not forgiving others. In brief, here are some of scientifically proven physical benefits of forgiving on the forgiver: -Less stress due to a decrease in the stress hormone cortisol.

-Less anxiety.
-Lower blood pressure.
-Improved function of the immune system.
-Better sleep.
-Better appetite.
-Lower risk of alcohol and drug abuse.
-Greater energy.

Additionally, forgiveness of self and others offers improved emotional and personal benefits such as the following:

-Fewer symptoms of depression
-Healthier relationships.
-Greater psychological well-being.
-More effectiveness in Therapy
-Reconciliation with spouse, family or others
-Greater feelings of spiritual connectedness

As we have seen, evidence suggests that forgiving self or others offers many positive benefits. Conversely, not forgiving the self or others can be hazardous to one’s health. If you are unforgiving you pay a physiological and emotional price. Most people who hold grudges and resentments have higher stress in their lives. This may be reflected in physical symptoms such as headaches, backaches, stomach problems, muscle tension, dizziness, sleep problems or poor appetite. Emotionally, people who can not forgive tend to be more depressive, anxious, bitter and generally unhappy. There is an oft used metaphor of not forgiving that I like. Not forgiving some and holding anger and resentment towards them is as if the injured person is taking poison and waiting for the offender to die. In other words, we poison ourselves when we hold resentments while the offender is untouched! Literally, it is the angry heart that suffers. So consider choosing forgiveness for your own sake the next time someone offends you.

*Next month I will address some strategies for actually forgiving others.

LOOKING FOR A PROFESSIONAL COACH?

Browse thousands of life coaches and business coaches in
hundreds of cities