Do you let Fear control you?

Posted on May 15, 2013 by Dr Michele Brennan, One of Thousands of Life Coaches on Noomii.

Often times, people seek out a life coach because they are feeling stuck. This feeling becomes so overwhelming that as a last resort they are reaching out for guidance and help to get ‘unstuck’. Fear is a predominant feeling in situations like this. People who feel stuck often are afraid of going out on a limb to do what will make them happy because fear prevents them. Fear can grab a hold of you and take control of your life, if you let it. Most people don’t battle with fear on a daily basis, but almost everyone can say fear has influenced their behaviors at some point. Fear can prevent you from doing something that makes you happy or from ending something that makes you unhappy. It can manifest in any area of your life, and sneak up on you, if you’re not careful. Taking back control of your life involves resolving your fears and conquering them. You are in control of your own happiness; don’t give fear control over you.

Wyatt Webb (2004) developed 5 steps to overcoming fear that can be useful in any situation. They can be universally applied to any aspect of your life if you take the time to understand your fears. This understanding removes the power and control that fear has over you.

Step 1 Acknowledge the Fear and Self-Doubt
AA had it right when it said, “admitting you have a problem is the first step”. Acknowledging that you have fear is the first step to overcoming it. Often people will minimize it, or disguise it by saying, “Oh I didn’t want to do that anyway”. People will call it nervousness, anxiety, or anything else to avoid saying fear. Admitting that you have fear means admitting a weakness, and it takes a strong person to admit that they have a weakness.

Step 2 Quantify the Fear
List your fears and rate them. Are you afraid of heights? Is this fear as significant as your fear of commitment? Assign your fears a value and then prioritize them. This is the order of accomplishments that you plan to achieve.

Step 3 Imagine the worst case scenario
This is my favorite activity. So often people are afraid to make a move, take a lead of faith, or any significant change because their fear is “what if it doesn’t work?” Well think about the worst case scenario. Is it really that bad? Is it the end of the world? For example, Marie has been working in a dead end job for years now. She is miserable and knows that leaving will make her happy. She is afraid to leave her job though because if her new position doesn’t work then she will be in trouble. The worst case scenario is that she loses her new job, she can’t pay her bills, and she loses her house. The idea of this terrifies Marie, and has paralyzed her for years. But this horrible situation is not the end of the world. Marie has family and friends who will be there to support her and help her get back on her feet. Yes, this will be a difficult setback for Marie, but it does not define her or who she is. And at the end of the day it is not the end of the world.

Step 4 Prepare, Confront, Conquer
Now that you know what the worst case scenario is, prepare for it. Prepare for the events that paralyze you into inactivity. Make preparations to ensure this cannot happen or make preparations in the event that it does happen. Either way you are ready and prepared for the worst case scenario. By doing this, you have taken control away from your fears. Without the worst case scenario looming as a threat, you are free to confront your fear.

Step 5 Celebrate
You have conquered your fears. Now you can focus on your happy thoughts!

Starting a new job can be exciting. You still feel the honor associated with being chosen (which in this economy has become more selective) and you are optimistic about the journey ahead. During your interview, you asked exceptional questions about benefits, salary, future opportunities, and even about your job description. You have decided that you are prepared to deliver your best and know that you are a great fit for this position.

You start your new job and slowly realize your manager is insecure. He boasts to employees about his lifestyle, he rarely listens to employees who try to present concerns to him, and has been known to pass his work onto others. You and others in the office have little respect for him; he is not a leader or a role model for others. There is a high turnover rate in your office and you are starting to understand why.

Managers are the glue that hold a company together. Whether they are direct supervisors or higher management, having a great manager can make all the difference. Often times people are rewarded for their great performance at work by being promoted to management, however not everyone makes a great manager. This leads to managers who do not know how to lead, are not role models, and are better suited to excel at their skills under the supervision of a great manager.

But what makes a great manager? According to a large research study done by the Gallup Organization, the best managers focus on 6 main points.

Ensure that their employees know what is expected of them at work. Employees who do not understand the expectations of their managers are less likely to meet expectations. They are less likely to be successful in their work, which will lead to being less satisfied with their job.
Ensure that their employees have the necessary materials and equipment needed to be successful at their job. Employees are likely to become disgruntle when expected to work miracles. If they do not have what they need to complete a project, then it’s unlikely the project will get done.
Ensure that their employees feel like they have the opportunity to do their best every day. When they are encouraged to give their all to a task they excel at, then the employee is more likely to have increased satisfaction in their job.
At least once a week, praise and recognize each employee for their efforts and accomplishments. This shows the employees that they are recognized for their hard work, and appreciated for all the little things they do for the company.
Care about their employees on a personal level. Understanding the unique situation each person is in will make a better manager. A manger can then anticipate and meet the needs of the employee, leading to increased job satisfaction.
Encourage the development of each of their employees. Allowing each individual the opportunity to grow and develop their inner potential avoids employees who feel stagnant or stifled.

Happy employees yield hard working, loyal employees. Overall, this is great for companies as they will have lower turnover rates, lower training expenses, and typically higher profits. All of these achievements are impossible without awesome managers. Well trained and invested managers are the glue of the company. They are responsible for decreasing the loss of valuable and talented employees and creating an environment where employees can thrive and feel fulfilled.

What does all this mean? It means that when considering a new job, you need to consider your relationship with your future manager. Having a supportive, well trained manager is just as important as (or even more important than) the position and job description. You may have found your dream job, but if your manager is self-indulgent and not trained to support your professional growth then odds are things won’t work out. Take this information into consideration the next time you interview for a position; aim for finding your dream job and dream manager.

Till then, continue “Discovering Your Own Way”…

www.guidedpathway.com

Webb, W. (2004). Five steps for overcoming fear and self-doubt journey into present-moment time.Carlsbad, C.A.: Hay House, INC.