Twelve Key Elements to the Right Relationship

Posted on May 12, 2013 by Jessie May Kezele, One of Thousands of Life Coaches on Noomii.

I’ll admit it; I am one of the lucky ones. I am madly, head-over-heels in love. Before I got married in 2010, I spent some time thinking about how I know I’m in the right relationship, after all, I was about to commit to spending the rest of my life with someone! Below is a list of the twelve key elements to the right relationship that I came up with.

If you are currently in a relationship, read through this list and ask yourself if each of the qualities is true for you. If you are not in a relationship, this list can provide some key elements to look for once you become involved in a relationship.

How Do You Know When You’re in the Right Relationship?

1. Your partner challenges you to live big and take risks that will help you get to where you want to be in life. Part of being in a healthy relationship is being a healthy individual. If you and your partner challenge each other to always be the best you can be, then your relationship will grow stronger and stronger as each of you become more fulfilled.

2. Your lifestyle meshes with your partner’s lifestyle. By “mesh” I mean that your interests and style of living support each other to fully express your genuine selves. Neither partner feels like they have to suppress any aspect of themselves to make the relationship work.

3. Your values are in alignment with your partner’s values. For example, if I have a value of health, which includes eating nutritious food and a daily meditation practice, I would have trouble being in a relationship with someone who ate fast food everyday and spent hours in front of the television playing video games.

4. You know you’re in love. First, let me say that love can take time to blossom, so if you’re in a new relationship and you don’t know if you’re in love yet, don’t take that as a warning sign – you may just not be there yet. However, if you’re in a relationship that is a year deep and don’t know if you’re in love, I would start to wonder if this is the right relationship to be in. Love is hard to define, and the question “how do you know when you’re in love?” is a popular one. My answer to that question is that if you don’t know you’re in love, then you’re just not.

5. You and your partner have similar long-term goals. If one person’s long-term goal is to live an unconventional life by becoming an avid world traveler, and the other person’s long-term goal is to become established in their career as a university professor, these two individuals may have trouble meeting their goals within the relationship.

6. You are with your partner because you want to be, not because you have to be. New relationships usually start out with butterflies and giddiness. However, as time passes, the excitement of a new relationship often subsides and is replaced with the motions of day-to-day life. Sometimes this includes events such as having a child together, one partner becoming financially dependant upon the other partner, buying a house together, or owning a pet together. Think about your relationship. If you can honestly say that you would be in your relationship even if you didn’t feel tied in by obligation, this is a sign that it is the right relationship.

7. You can laugh, play and be goofy with your partner. The ability to laugh, play, and be goofy together is important because it shows that the couple is uninhibited, trusting, and confident in their relationship. It is also important because it shows that the couple can have fun together. A couple who can be playful and have fun together, is a couple who will be able to make it through the challenges in life that much easier.

8. You feel respect and admiration for your partner. I adore Robert and have deep respect and admiration for him. I value his opinion, turn to him for advice, and consider him when I’m making choices that would impact him. I admire his intellect, his knowledge of physical fitness and diet, and his ability to balance his life in a way that he stays committed to the things he loves to do (like climbing), even when he’s so busy in law school. If the first things that come to mind when you think of your partner are positive attributes, that’s a great sign!

9. You are attracted to your partner. This is, of course, not the only thing that makes a good relationship, but sexual attraction is important to an intimate relationship and if you are not attracted to your partner then it will be difficult to maintain the relationship.

10. You and your partner know how to fight and forgive. In any relationship there will be spats and arguments. Knowing how to argue together is important for a relationship. Even more important is knowing how to forgive each other afterwards. Try to treat your disagreements as opportunities to strengthen your relationship.

11. You communicate with your partner effectively and honestly. Knowing how to tell your partner what you want, what you need, and where you’re coming from is very important for a healthy relationship.

12. You miss your partner when they are away. You don’t miss them because you feel like you can’t live without them, but because you genuinely love being in their company.