Looking for Love? What Do You Have to Give?
Posted on May 12, 2013 by Jessie May Kezele, One of Thousands of Life Coaches on Noomii.
Want to attract an intimate relationship? First take inventory of what you have to offer.
Tip: If you want to attract an intimate relationship into your life, first take inventory of what you have, and are willing to give to your potential partner.
If you’ve been on the lookout for love, I bet you’ve thought a lot about what you’re looking for in someone else. You may have a clear picture in your mind of the type of person you want to be with, what they look like, their values, their interests, etc.
While getting clear about what you’re looking for in a partner is important, it’s also important to be clear about what you have to offer to a relationship.
Getting clear about what you have to give is important because the more honest and aware of this we are, the less confusing we will be to others. For example, if we’re looking for our life partner and willing to give 100% to cultivate a relationship that will evolve into marriage, we won’t waste our time, or someone else’s time who’s simply not on the same page.
It’s also important to get clear about what you have to give, because by exploring this in detail, you may discover that what you think you want, and the reality of your present life are very different. For example, you may spend a lot of time wishing and day dreaming about being in relationship, but when you take an honest look at your life, you realize that there is currently no space for a relationship.
To help you get clear about what you have to give, try the following exercise, inspired by chapter 16, in the book If the Buddha Dated.
Below are eight ways in which people bond. Go through the list and write down everything that you have to give to a relationship in each category. Be honest and include the awesome and not so awesome stuff about you. If you tend to get jealous, withdraw when times get tough, wet your pants when you get nervous, get demanding, or have screaming fits, be sure to include these things.
1. Physical/Material: looks, status, age, education, money, possessions.
2. Intellect: level of intelligence, use of intelligence – is intelligence serving the ego (cockiness) or the spirit (wisdom)?
3. Interests: hobbies, work, leisure time.
4. Values/Lifestyle: religion, eating habits, child-rearing beliefs.
5. Psychological/Emotional: capacity for intimacy, emotional maturity, ability to be honest with ourselves and others, and ability to articulate our feelings.
6. Creativity/Passion: playfulness, talents, level of energy and joy. Can be expressed in how we think, eat, make love, or decorate our house. Creativity is an expression of who you are. Are you living creatively, or living in a box?
7. Spirituality: commitment to a path of truth, integrity and service. How well do you know yourself, and how open are you to being transformed by another person? People with a spiritual bond treat their relationship like a sacred jewel. When conflict arises, they solve their issue for love of the relationship and are closer because of it.
8. Essence: the ability to flow from love, truth, goodness and power. Ability to be in the present moment, without projection onto one’s partner or attachment to the past or future.
Once you have your list, use the information you have gathered to write a “personal ad” about yourself. You don’t have to publish it. Think of it, rather as a letter to the universe. By writing this “letter” you are putting out there who you are and what you have to give. It’s like saying, “C’mon baby, I’m ready for this!”
