Put Your Happiness First and Good Things Will Follow
Posted on April 23, 2013 by Rosanne Kerr, One of Thousands of Life Coaches on Noomii.
This article reflects on the challenges woman can experience juggling the demands of home life and work.
I recently watched Dr. Brene Brown’s TED Talk – Listening to Shame where she shared from her research that the one thing woman feel the most shame for is feeling that they are not able to live up to everyone’s expectations of them. They often have feelings of never being good enough, which is caused by conflicting and competing expectations of who they should be. She shared that woman have this notion that they need to do it all, do it well, and never let them see you sweat. She referenced in jest, the lyrics to the song sung on the Enjoli perfume commercial, which was on TV in the 1980’s.
The following are the lyrics to this song which were adapted from Peggy Lee’s signature song “I’m a Woman”:
I can put the wash on the line, feed the kids, get dressed, pass out the kisses and get to work by 5 to 9.
Cause I’m a Woman, Enjoli!
(Announcer): Charles of The Ritz Creates Enjoli. The New 8 Hour Perfume for The 24 Hour Woman.
I can bring home the Bacon!
Chorus: Enjoli.
Fry it up in a Pan!
Chorus: Enjoli.
And Never, Never, Never let you forget you’re a Man!
Cause I’m a Woman!
Chorus: Enjoli!
We laugh at these lyrics now, but I think we need to ask ourselves, how much has really changed?
As women, one would hope that we would have abandoned this belief that we need to do be 100 percent present for everyone all the time. Yet I observe woman struggling with the balance between work, family, and finding time for themselves all the time. We imagine we need be the best mother, wife, employee, daughter, and caregiver possible. How do we balance all these demands on our time and energy? Usually, by putting ourselves last.
Shawn Achor a well-known Positive Psychologist, reminds us in his book The Happiness Advantage that the belief that we will focus on our happiness only after we achieve our professional goals, and only after we look after others, is backward thinking. He shares how this notion is in opposition to the research in the fields of positive psychology and neuroscience. This research has proven in no uncertain terms that the relationship between success and happiness works the other way around.
You may think it is necessary to put your energy into work, parenting or caregiving, and only then will you concentrate on your own happiness, but in actuality you will be able to be a better mother, wife, daughter, caregiver, friend, and employee when you focus on your well-being and happiness first. This is not frivolous, it is necessary for your health, well-being and happiness. The research shows focussing on your happiness first, will make you more motivated, efficient, resilient, creative and productive. This results in you becoming more effective in your personal and professional life.
This shift in thinking is important for women. Do you find yourself missing social relationships and spending time with friends? If you like to meditate do you make time in your routine? Do you focus on your own personal and professional goals, as much as you support others in achieving their goals?
Remember how good it feels when you take care of yourself, eat well, exercise, and take time to indulge in the hobbies or pursuits that are your passion and give you joy. If you wait to focus on your happiness only after you get that next promotion, or when your kids are older and more independent you will lose out on a lot of happiness. Also you are more likely to be a better parent, and get that next promotion, if you work on your happiness first. How can you do that?
The important life lessons revealed to us, through Positive Psychology research, provide us with a recipe for well-being. However, it is actually a recipe for well-being for others too, because your happiness and well-being creates greater positivity in everyone around you. In order to be present and provide support for others, you must first care for yourself. Make it a priority to discover and follow your recipe for good health, well-being, and happiness.
Reference:
Achor, S. (2010). The happiness advantage. New York, US: Crown Business Publishing.
