How to Break Up with your Coach (and still remain friends)

Posted on April 10, 2013 by Penny August, One of Thousands of Life Coaches on Noomii.

It’s inevitable, and we coaches know it. And that’s okay. There comes a time when our clients are ready to leave the nest and fly on their own. They’ve enjoyed the coaching experience, they’ve learned how to take control of their lives and figured out (with our help) how to get what they want out of life, and now they’re ready to leave. Or they may have simply run out of money and/or time to allow them the luxury of a coaching experience. Or, unfortunately and hopefully rarely, they may have discovered that you and they are not a great fit. Something isn’t clicking and they want to move on.

Regardless of the reason, there are ways to break up with your coach. Unless your coach was a total jerk and/or greatly overstepped his/her bounds, simply leaving and not contacting them or answering emails is not the best way. It’s cowardly and it’s rude, as it would be in any relationship. After all, most coaches sincerely care about their clients, and put a lot of time and effort aside from the appointment time into figuring out the best way to help their clients with their unique goals. So what is a good way to leave?

Regardless of the reason, the truth is always the best way to go. If the issue is money and you don’t want to or cannot pay for a final consultation, at least have the courtesy to give your coach a call – or at the very least an email – and explain that it’s not them, it’s your lack of finances that alas, prevents you from continuing your appointments at this time. It’s always nice to mention, if it’s true, what you enjoyed about your coaching experience and what you learned or how you feel you have grown through knowing this coach. It’s also nice to offer a written testimonial to those facts, to help your coach find another client to fill the gap you are leaving.

If you feel that you are no longer in need of a coach because you now have control over your life and have learned whatever it was that brought you to coaching in the first place, that’s great! It’s what coaches like to hear, because it means that they have done a good job. They will miss you, for sure, but will be thrilled to hear that you are feeling better about your life than when you first contacted them. Tell your coach why you no longer feel the need for his or her service and thank them for their time and interest in you. If you want to really make them feel good, again – tell them what you learned from them and how it helped you handle a situation. And if you like them, offer a testimonial.

Here is the tough one: If you really feel out of sync with your coach and you feel that you are wasting your time and money, tell them. There are ways and there are ways, though. You might say something like, “I’m afraid this isn’t working out as I had hoped. I appreciate your time and efforts to help me, but I think I need to try something different.” As a coach, I would so much rather hear that than hear nothing at all and simply have to imagine a scenario that caused you to leave.

Finally, if you find that you have a personal issue that prevents you from continuing with your coach at this time, say that to your coach instead of simply disappearing. You don’t need to go into details unless you want to, but at least you are handling the “breakup” as an adult. If at any time in the future you decide to return to that coach, you will not have burned any bridges and will be welcomed back as a client and friend.

And by the way, if I have to be the one to initiate the breakup, I promise to follow these same rules.