The Bachelor - My Perspective on Dating Trends
Posted on March 22, 2013 by Mateja Petje, One of Thousands of Life Coaches on Noomii.
How popular shows such as "The Bachelor" influence dating trends. Some brief tips on dating and why loving yourself is so important.
Roses, drama, competition, desperation. Sounds familiar? Shows such as “The Bachelor” play into audience desire and need for excitement and distraction from a daily life and even create that familiar theme of a prince on a white horse who is going to come and rescue a beautiful and neglected woman and end her loneliness. Not that it is anything wrong with that per se, however, in my opinion, it is just another quick fix for something that requires work, reflection, knowing yourself, and being you. I will admit that I do not watch any of the reality shows; I did watch a few of them on occasion, but to me all of them have the same cookie-cutter approach.
Being on my own healing journey and having had to heal my own broken heart, I can certainly sympathize with single women (and men). My journey has led me to become a licensed marriage and family therapist and a professional life coach. I have made mistakes and learned from them just like anybody else. And there were times that I would wonder “What is wrong with me?” and “Why can’t I meet the right person?” I attended singles events, meetups, and most of all, online dating.I met some decent people, but I had limited success until I was ready to face my loneliness and decided I will not settle anymore for less. There was excitement in meeting all these new men, and just like in the show “The Bachelor” there was roses and romance. However, what was missing was that deep feeling of joy and contentment and that I am ok as I am and that I don’t need to meet another man to complete me. I often quote a line from Jerry McGuire: “You complete me.” However, is this love or is it codependence?
Below are a few dating tips if your intention is to create a long term relationship. On the other hand, if you just want to have fun and date, my suggestion is to be honest and don’t pretend to be somebody that you are not.
First and foremost, learn to love and accept yourself. All of you – good, the bad, and the ugly. Deal with your past, forgive, make amends, whatever you need to do to move on, otherwise you will carry the baggage into all of your relationships.
Become the person that you want to be with. Have your own life, pursue a career, and develop your support system. Be happy on your own and continue to grow.
Ask yourself: what beliefs and values are important to me? What are the deal-breakers in the relationship? What are some of the must-haves? Don’t be like a chameleon and change your values and habits just because a new man in your life has different likes and dislikes. Be yourself from the beginning. Dishonesty always backfires.
Pay attention and observe. Don’t give your heart away too quickly. Physical intimacy is great, but ask yourself how does this person fit into your life and do you have enough in common.
Do not settle just because all your friends are married and your biological clock is ticking. It is better to wait and experience some loneliness than marry the wrong person, and maybe even have children, and then have regrets. You deserve the best!
Have fun with dating! Remember that life is a beautiful adventure and if something does not feel right probably it is not.
