Get To Know Her Body - A Guide For Men To A Woman's Pleasure

Posted on February 06, 2013 by Lindsay Chrisler, One of Thousands of Relationship Coaches on Noomii.

What worked on the last woman probably isn’t going to work on the next one. Even If you’re in a long-term relationship, what’s worked on her so far, or lately, might not work tonight.

NEWS FLASH: Women change their minds about everything–constantly. And that includes what they want in the bedroom. So, instead of relying on your old moves and techniques, focus instead on what feels good: to you AND to her. (Guys, trust me here. If you put some attention on what feels good to her, you’ll reap big rewards.)

Sex used to be awful for me. In fact, for a good chunk of my adult life, sex was always accompanied by booze. As a result, I didn’t feel much during sex or remember much about it the next day.

I realize now that I had sex under those circumstances because I didn’t like, or even really know, my body, let alone have the ability to communicate to someone else how I wanted to be touched. Sex was a constant source of insecurity and confusion, rather than pleasure and intimacy.

So I set out to make a change and met some turned-on women who showed me a different way. Then, through several relationships, I slowly learned to love my body in all its sober and naked glory, to feel what actually brought me pleasure, and to ask for exactly what I want. Now I can feel all of the incredible sensations that sex has to offer.

You can master her body. All it takes is a willingness to try different things and pay attention along the way.

Use your senses: Getting to know her body is the key to making sex feel good.

Every woman’s body is different. That’s why you can’t rely on the same old tricks. Don’t worry if you feel clueless; odds are, she’s a little bit unsure about her body too. Most women aren’t taught how to receive pleasure. Instead, we learn to skillfully deflect it and then complain about not having it. So, the best way to find out what makes her feel good is to ask her. Even if you’ve been married for twenty years.

Ask simple, direct questions that don’t leave room for interpretation and don’t leave anywhere for her to hide. “Do you want light kisses?” “Do you want them all over or just on your neck?” Then, narrow it down to pinpoint just the thing to make her soar with more precise questions: “Do you want them faster?” “Lighter?” If she doesn’t know, try it one way and ask again.

I know the idea of asking questions in the middle of a make out or sex might sound like a mood killer, but it’s all a matter of perspective and what you want. Think of it as a pleasure research project, with the goal of creating the most sensational and pleasurable experience for her. (Remember what I said before, guys…if it’s good for her, it’s going to be good for you.)

In addition to asking questions, tell her what you notice about her body. Use all of your senses, find the things that stand out to you, and get specific: the freckle on her thigh, the texture of her skin, how she smells, the way she looks at you when you touch her gently (or when you yank her hair, for that matter).

Pay attention: How to know if it makes her feel good

You already have a gift that women are dying to receive: attention. Use your senses to notice everything and trust your body, not your ego. Don’t just listen for the moans; sometimes we fake it.

Feel for a rise in her body temperature or dampness appearing on her skin. Keep asking questions and listen for responses that sound genuine. Relax. Get out of your head. Notice how pleasurable sex is for you when you’re just paying attention to what feels good in your body. (This will help her feel good, which will make you feel good, and on and on.)

But remember: you are not the only one responsible for her pleasure. She has to be willing to communicate and try new things. This kind of research shouldn’t feel like work. If she starts treating you like an employee, stop and save yourself the trouble. If she’s just nervous, breathe and relax and show her some approval through love and humor as you go into the next piece of research.

Lab coat, anyone?