The Receiving, Not The Pursuit, of Happiness - Receiver Mode vs. Take Mode
Posted on February 01, 2013 by Dr Felicia Clark, One of Thousands of Life Coaches on Noomii.
Women are you ready to RECEIVE a happy life? You must receive it instead of pursue it.
Do you wonder why some women seem to always get what they want with ease and grace personally and professionally while other women get passed over? Have you ever gotten what you wanted but still been unhappy? Did you know that women who are both happy and fulfilled receive what they want in feminine mode?
If you would like to know how to RECEIVE what you want in life, then read on.
When you see a woman receiving what she wants with ease and grace without being aggressive, it is because she honors her femininity. When she sees that what she wants and needs is available, she knows she can receive it by being in receiving mode. Whenever that doesn’t work, she can employ the masculine approach to pursue, but she doesn’t as a first course. Powerful receiving is very active, intentional, and assertive – not passive. Once a feminine woman receives what she needs, she is able to give graciously and abundantly. When she does, more of what she both needs and wants comes back to her without her needing to pursue it. She is capable of pursuing, but rarely needs to.
Women who don’t get what they want tend to have little receiving space. They also build up resentment from not being compensated equal to what they feel they deserve. The expression: ‘filled with resentment’ is quite prophetic because resentment occupies receiving space. She may believe that she has to aggressively pursue or take what she wants which puts her in “take mode.” Women in take mode might produce results but the rewards are dissatisfying. Take mode eminates from a feeling of not being appreciated and relationships are sacrificed in the process. Take mode requires women to divorce their femininity, create conflict, sacrifice, and create an obligation for others to give her what she wants. She often believes that she can’t get what she needs in feminine receiving mode because men don’t value femininity. However, she is actually the one devaluing femininity the most. People often feel distanced from women who are in take mode and don’t readily give to them because ‘you owe me for what I have done’ devalues what is being given. Take mode lacks gratitude whereby receiving mode is very gracious.
A feminine woman in receiver mode appreciates, raises the value of, what has been given to her. She too will be expected to be compensated for what is owed. However, her compensation is in accordance with a fair and negotiated agreement. Contrastingly, takers invent non-negotiated ways that people owe them and leverage social position to demand that others pay. It is passive aggressive manipulation. Take mode women will fight to get what they believe is owed, but they repel people in the process, create distrust, and experience little satisfaction with they have obtained.
Feminine giving and receiving has no debts. Sometimes women refuse to receive because they worry that they will secretly owe something back that was not agreed upon – the same strategy takers employ. This mystery debt hanging over their head makes them anxious. Anxiety and openness are competing forces. Receiving requires openness. Therefore, anxiety about receiving means that you are not open to receiving which means you are disconnected from being feminine. The feminine needs to receive before she can nurture happiness Think of a seed needing water, sunshine soil and time to grow into a tree that will give all of the fruit that it has. When a woman is filled with what she needs and shares it with others, others don’t owe her back. An apple tree does not want its apples back. However, it NEEDS more healthy soil, water, sunshine, and correct weather conditions to continue to grow apples for others. This explains why gracious receivers are very generous givers and why people continually help them get what they need. If a woman is not receiving what she needs, her giving will be debt driven and limited. She will feel depleted by giving and, by default, unable to receive. Essentially, the apple tree can’t produce more apples when the receiving stops.
Active receivers know this universal principle: “whatever you are seeking is seeking you.” A feminine woman draws in, attracts, what she is seeking because it already was seeking someone to receive it. She gets it because she is ready to receive it, not because she worked hard for it. Getting prepared to receive sometimes requires hard work but other times it doesn’t. Every woman is biologically designed to attract. Attractiveness (e.g. magnetism) is not about being pretty. However, believing that you are unattractive because you are not “enough,” of anything will block your ability to receive. What you need is being provided all of the time. Lack of receptivity is what makes it hard to get. Believing that you have to be more than you are or that you have to do more than you have done are belief systems that block your ability to receive.
Somebody will give you what you want and others will not. Feminine receivers connect with those that will provide what is needed. Neutral or masculine women connect with people who will not give what is needed and they fight or manipulate to take it. However, even women in receiving mode have to purpose what they want or they may attract and subconsciously reject what they asked for.
Women who are effective receivers know what they want, have effective standards that filter through what is needed versus what is not, and uses what she was given for a higher purpose. Her receiving is not about being validated it is about her getting the means to accomplish an end that benefits herself and others. Gracious receivers have a calming, centered, openness to their lives. They have a welcoming feeling with space and room. They will constantly get more and more and have to give it out so that they make more space to receive. The physical environment of a woman with receiving space looks like an expression of her personality. There is a good blend of structure and openness whereby her environment communicates welcomeness, expectations, is filled with the things sheenjoys, and there is room for others. Her appearance will be her own style with a sense of enjoying the way she dresses. By expressing out, she makes space within.
How do you know when a women can’t receive? Women who are shut down from receiving tend to have a busy, cluttered, rushed, overloaded type of life. Or, they are the extreme opposite with an exaggerated need for perfection. She may talk “chatterbox like” or speak with perfect diction. She may walk really fast or walk like a disciplined trained ballerina. She will have a distracted unfocused presence or a disgenuine attentive smile. She functions while exhausted and rarely gets enough sleep. She can express anger and disappointment more readily than joy and gratitude. The physical environment of a woman with no receiving space looks like chaos or extreme perfection driven orderliness. Her appearance will be appropriate but something unkempt, or she will be perfect looking without a hair out of place.
So, ladies, you can get what you want with ease and grace by being a gracious receiver. Always take inventory of what is available and know that somebody will receive it. So, why not you? Purpose what you will do with what you are given. Learn how to find people and jobs who are both willing and able to give you what you want and need and that what you have to offer is valued. More importantly, always stay prepared to receive and expect to receive what you want and need. Do not fill your receiving space with what you do not want or that which undermines your happiness. Women go in and out of receiving mode all of the time so a woman has to consciously open up receiving space all of the time. Some women can build momentum as a receiver and develop receiving habits but more often the day to day business of survival will fill her time and receiving space. Therefore, she has to open up receiving space daily.
This lesson on receiving is from my signature program, “The 10 Commandments For A Queen: Reclaiming Femininity In Powerful Ways.” If you are local to Denver, join my ‘Art of Feminine Presence’ class and learn how to physically move to activate receiving mode. Learn more at: www.ebooklifecoach.com to stay updated or email your questions to: felicia.clark29@yahoo.com.
