Giving up Gluten

Posted on January 24, 2013 by Catherine Osborne, One of Thousands of Retirement Coaches on Noomii.

So you’ve just returned from your doctor’s office with a diagnosis of celiac disease. How can this be happening? What on earth will you eat? How will you ever be able to enjoy yourself again?

This may sound a little crazy, but as a celiac myself and as someone who coaches people with this disease, this kind of thinking can be very real. While you may experience a sense of relief that comes with finally understanding why you have been feeling so unwell, the cold hard truth that gluten can no longer be a part of your life can be devastating. I remember the sudden realization that pizza, beer, cake, pasta and so many other things I enjoy were now off the menu. In that moment (and for many moments after that), it did not matter to me that I would discover a wealth of new culinary opportunities, or that a myriad of gluten-free substitutes existed. The single focus of my thinking was that I would never eat anything “good” again. The initial shock and fear of such a diagnosis can be overwhelming and overshadow any semblance of a rational response.

Twelve years down the road from my initial diagnosis, I am happy to say that I am healthy and have mastered the gluten-free diet. Except for the occasional near-falter in the face of my Mother’s pumpkin pie, I no longer of grieve for gluten. I should also say that it didn’t take twelve years to reach this state of contentment, but it didn’t come easily either. I can still recall my beer-drinking, croissant-eating friends pronouncing how I should regard this as a “gift”, and that with my new diet I would be so much healthier. My resentful responses were tempered only by the fact that I chose to believe their intentions were good.

So how did I get from that place of frustration and resentment to where I am now? After a particularly self-pitying rant about not being able to participate in our family’s Friday pizza night, I was asked to describe what I got from our pizza night. I launched into how this was a cherished time for our family to connect, share our stories, our concerns, and just have fun together. Of course, it wasn’t the pizza that provided me with those wonderful family things. Intellectually, I know that the magic of our pizza nights lay in my family and our interactions, but it was easy to fall into the belief that it would only work if nothing ever changed. Especially the menu. And so began my journey to come to terms with my diagnosis and to shift my perspectives on my beliefs about food.

Coaching is a process by which a person newly diagnosed with a food allergy or intolerance can begin to come to terms with their new life. A coach provides the space to explore one’s feelings and acknowledge that it might take some time to accept this. There are vast amounts of literature about the gluten-free diet and bookstores are filled with cook-books and dietary guidelines. What is lacking, however, is the recognition that people faced with the prospect of a lifetime of restrictions, genuinely mourn their old, familiar lifestyles. While information, facts, recipes and knowledge about one’s new diet are important, so too, is dealing with the emotional fallout of such a dramatic lifestyle change.

So how can a coach help? Consider a coach to be a change agent, or a partner who will support you every step of the way. Changing our behaviour is difficult because we fear the unknown. We feel safe staying in our comfort zone because we know what the outcome will be. But when our comfort zone undermines our health, something has to give. Our beliefs drive our behaviour. A belief is like a command to the brain and it determines how we interpret our experiences and it predicts the results of our actions. If it is your belief that Friday evenings with your family won’t be successful without the familiar, comfortable pizza, then this belief may become your reality. Holding on to this belief, will ensure that Friday nights will hold no pleasure for you. A different belief, perhaps one that allows you to consider a wonderful evening with a different comfort food, can create a different result. A coach works to bring these beliefs into conscious focus, helps you to revise the ones that no longer work and create new ones that foster personal growth and wellness.

The coaching process helped me to make the changes in my thinking that were necessary for me to take back my health. The first thing was getting clear on what needed to change. I had to determine what I didn’t want in my life (gluten, illness) and then, discover what I wanted to create instead (healthy diet and positive outlook on my diagnosis). Changing my life meant changing my mind. In order to change my mind I had to create a new story of what I wanted my life to be. This new story had to incorporate new behaviours and beliefs. Following a gluten- free diet, acknowledging the dramatic improvements in my health, and involving my family in my new lifestyle, went a long way towards creating my new life story. In my new story, I created a new belief that I could still enjoy social events and that the specific food had very little to do with the success of those evenings. I also came to believe that even those who resist change the most, can be convinced to accept that change, when you believe strongly enough in your new story.

Many years after my diagnosis, fast-food restaurants started serving gluten-free pizzas. While we had adapted our Friday nights to include many different items, the occasional gluten-free pizza felt like the return of an old friend. By the time this happened though, my new story no longer depended on the type of food that we enjoyed together. My new story and my new beliefs had much more to do with health, love and family than it ever had to do with gluten.