From Good To Great Communication: What the latest skills workshops can’t offer

Posted on January 08, 2013 by Joseph Zepedeo, One of Thousands of Leadership Coaches on Noomii.

Have you ever experienced an amazing communicator? Perhaps a leader of a game-changing company, a gifted professor or how about an inspiring world leader? What did it feel like? Beyond being informed, how were you moved such that you are able to remember it to this day?

I have wanted to write about this for some time. Because I am reminded regularly about what the best communicators offer that training programs on the subject simply can’t offer. To be clear, I am not talking down good communication programs. Indeed, they may offer a valuable set of skills to those that need them. So they have real value. I am focusing on something more than new skills or techniques which are added to the tool kit. This is what Robert Kegan and Ron Heifetz, Harvard Professors, refer to as “adding to the skills bucket”. Heifetz makes the distinction between Informative learning where new skills are added to the same ‘container’ versus Transformative learning that is developmental and serves to re-shape and expand the size of the container.

The way we describe this to our clients is to picture going to the latest communications workshop where you acquire sharp new skills such as active listening and letting the person finish before you start talking. This is great but then when you return to the office, you are still the same person. You haven’t acquired the capacity to implement the “new way” of communicating. People grasp this challenge very easily because they have experienced the distinction first-hand.

So let’s take this example of learning how to listen to the other person without interrupting. Let the other person speak; then, when they are finished, you take your turn and the transaction is completed. This is not only common courtesy; it is obviously an effective way to exchange views without chaos, especially when multiple people are involved. You know this too well if you have ever been with people who are always interrupting before you finish your thought. As trivial as this way of communicating seems, what are some of the personal capacities it actually requires … which you are not likely to receive from a skills workshop?

How about:

> Patience — the ability not to interrupt, especially when you disagree with what is being said

> Open and receptive mind — not thinking about what you will say next as you are pretending to listen ; in Zen circles, this is called listening with “an empty cup”

> Presence – genuine interest in the other person right here right now without losing focus

> “Open/Receptive” body posture – what is your body language saying such that communication is impacted positively

> Emotional capacity — How is your energy level being maintained throughout? What cues are you sending out? What cues are you receiving from others? How can this awareness cultivate the quality of the exchange?

So it turns out that the above simple example in what I call “Transactional” communication is actually quite involved in so far as the capacities that you, the person, needs to develop so as to be able to communicate effectively in this way.

Good simple sources:

Crucial Conversations: Tools for Talking When Stakes Are High, Patterson, Grenny, McMillan, Switzler (2002)

Practicing The Sacred Art of Listening: A Guide To Enrich Your Relationships and Kindle Your Spiritual Life, Kay Lindhal (2009)