Why "Finding the One" Won't Work As A New Year's Resolution

Posted on January 04, 2013 by Lindsay Chrisler, One of Thousands of Relationship Coaches on Noomii.

You might be thinking how can I improve my love life this year?

Many single women (and some men) decide on New Year’s Day that this is the year to find “the one.” While I love the intention (because I talk to many women who have given up on having the love life of their dreams and that’s no fun) there’s one red flag with this New Year’s resolution.
You don’t have that much control.

While there are many things you can do to make yourself more open to love (stay tuned for videos all year long to give you ideas), the Universe still decides when you’re ready and the Universe might have a longer term plan for you than just this year. Love, especially attracting and keeping “the one” is no easy job! It requires patience, courage, and practice. Lots. That can take time.

So, what happens if by November 2013 you haven’t met someone you want to spend your life with? Then you’ll feel like you failed your resolution and that feeling of failure and disappointment can add another crusty layer on top of your already very vulnerable heart. You don’t need any more layers when you’re single. It’s like wearing spanx – you think it’s helping and protecting you but it’s really not because the tight layer feels unnatural.

Now, chances are that some of you will conveniently forget your resolution once a few months of awkward dates goes by. But let’s say this post is written to the women that are determined to make their love life goal a reality this year. This is written for you. You are done forgetting, back pedaling, and stalling. This is the year you want to see your love life transform. So instead of picking a resolution that may end in extra crusty layers on your heart (eek!), let’s focus your energy in a direction that is sure not to disappoint.

This is a New Year’s resolution for your love life that will be doable, effective, and best of all: simple.

This resolution that I want to share with you will not only bring in the man of your dreams but it will also transform how you treat all people, including the most important person in your life… YOU. The way you treat yourself, the way you spend your time, and the way you view yourself must improve for your love life to improve. This is crucial.

Watch this short video to discover the resolution that will transform you into a love bug machine… https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FOCEyEc1nMU

At the end of the year, there is no chance you’ll be disappointed if you put this resolution into practice.

Did I say practice? Yes, yes I did. That’s the catch. If you’re like me, you have great intentions and you’re feeling positive and thinking clearly in this moment. You are thinking yes! I can do this! That’s a great feeling so by all means, soak up the excitement. However, enthusiasm wanes. You have to develop daily (or weekly) practices to anchor this desire of yours into your life. Start these daily practices now while you’re in a good hopeful mood so that the days when you don’t feel like it, you have a better chance of practicing your resolution anyway.

I like a combination of reminders and actions.

An iPhone alarm is a great way to remind yourself. Make an alarm that goes off every afternoon when you hit that slump that says “How can I be more loving in this moment?” Another tool is to create a LOVING JOURNAL. Get a little journal and write in it when you wake up or before you fall asleep. Write at least 1 action you took that day to be more loving. Write more if you have more examples. The things you write could be big (told him you loved him when you didn’t know if he’d say it back) or small (smiled at the pimply barista). It doesn’t matter. Don’t judge yourself, just write the actions down. Any way that you were more loving today and don’t forget about the examples of ways you were more loving to yourself!

I’d love to hear in the comments section what you think about this resolution and any ideas you have for putting it into practice TODAY! How will you remind yourself? How will you take action? Write it down here and use readers as your witnesses – an easy and free way to supercharge your resolution.

Thank you to all the amazing people in my life that have been loving to me and have let me be more loving to them and thank you for reading and not wanting to give up on your love life. A sensational and satisfying love life is completely possible, it just requires a little work.

To a more loving love life in 2013!
Love,
Lindsay