A Little About Self-Respect
Posted on December 20, 2012 by Joy Phillips PhD, One of Thousands of Spirituality Coaches on Noomii.
“To free us from the expectations of others, to give us back to ourselves – there lies the great, singular power of self-respect.” ~Joan Didion
Are you afraid of losing someone’s love if you stand up for yourself? Do you say to yourself, “Oh it really doesn’t matter that much. I’ll just keep quiet so she’ll LIKE me.”
I bet you have someone in mind right now. Someone who is really good at convincing you how wrong you are when you stand up for yourself and your beliefs.
Stop for a minute. Right now.
Give that person some love. Appreciate them. You don’t have to pick up the phone and call them. Just thank them silently for giving you a chance to increase your personal power.
Knowing your deepest feelings and personal truth and releasing any fear associated with standing by your truth is the ultimate form of self-respect. When you are fearful of standing up for yourself and your beliefs, you are giving power and authority to others. Can you see how it would be difficult to respect yourself in this situation? When you stand up for yourself you own your feelings, your power. You make yourself the authority over your life.
Think of the people you associate with on a daily basis. Who belittles you and makes you feel bad about yourself? Who criticizes you whenever you take a stand? Do you tend to fold up and sit in a corner just to keep that person in your life? Are you so concerned with them ’liking’ you that you have dismissed your own feelings in favor of theirs?
There was a time in my life when I was afraid to stand up to my significant others. It was more important to please them so I walked on eggshells as I anticipated their moods to avoid conflict. My feelings weren’t important. I wanted them to like me. I wanted them to stay in my life. I wasn’t focused on respecting myself, so I never questioned the way I was treated.
I spent a good part of my life hiding my personal beliefs and innermost truth from most people in my life. It’s easier to avoid criticism by keeping my mouth shut and allowing them to see who they want to see, as opposed to seeing the ‘real’ me. Pleasing these people was more important than acknowledging my own feelings. I was totally disconnected from myself because I was focused entirely on others. I was not showing myself any kind of respect.
Is there someone in your life who you are focused on pleasing? Is there someone in your life who persistently criticizes you? Are you wearing a social mask afraid of what others will think of you? If so, what is this doing to your level of self-respect? What would happen if you were to voice your innermost truth and beliefs?
Remember … you teach others how to treat you. Don’t wait for the people in your life to treat you better or like you more. Show yourself love and respect; others will follow suit. Be who you are! Own your personal truth. If people criticize you and disrespect you, they are doing so because they do not respect themselves.
You get to choose who you associate with – your ‘peeps’ – your ‘everybody’ – your ‘tribe’. Choose those who treat you well and honor you for who you REALLY are. Stand up for yourself, your beliefs, and your truth. THAT, my friend, is self-respect! And you are worthy of it!
