Accentuate the Positive!

Posted on November 26, 2012 by Meryl Frank Harari, One of Thousands of Leadership Coaches on Noomii.

Lately, some of my clients in career transition report feeling “stuck” and unable to move forward productively with their next steps. Some of this is due to the grieving that typically occurs when we lose something important to us, when a choice is made FOR us that we did not anticipate or desire. I’ve also noticed that part of working through these endings or “little deaths” (a term coined by the Hudson Institute in its Cycle of Renewal), are real feelings of inadequacy. “What did I do to cause this position elimination?” “Why did this have to happen to ME?” “What did I do wrong?” “Why am I not good enough?” These questions typically accompany a period of hand-wringing, self-doubt and second-guessing that impede progress towards achieving the next goal – relocating for the next job, launching a business, changing careers, defining a new work strategy, obtaining a professional credential.
In these situations, I usually help clients to understand that feelings of anger, denial, etc. are normal parts of the grief process and they won’t last forever. I also suggest that making progress is less overwhelming if they think about eating an elephant…”one bite at a time”. There is however, another approach that I have come upon as a result of my studies at the Hudson Institute. “Appreciative Dialogue” is based on the popular approach to organizational change called Appreciative Inquiry (from the book of the same name by Sue Annis Hammond). Appreciative Inquiry suggests that we look at what works in an organization versus focusing on trying to fix what’s not. Simply put, the inquiry process results in a series of statements that describe where the organization wants to be based on an assessment of factors that contributed to past successes. Since the statements are derived from tangible experiences, this process encourages people to become aware of how they can repeat their success.
This same process can be applied to individual problem solving. We have become masterful at looking at what didn’t work in our lives. Think about it: How often do we force ourselves to look for what went wrong; why weren’t we hired? Why didn’t we get the promotion? What did we do to cause the problem? What if we forced ourselves to look at the issue in a different way, by considering what we have done that worked and find ways to do more of that? We seem to be obsessed with viewing problem-solving through a critical lens – instead of employing the typical “learn from your mistakes” mode, why not think about multiplying our successes?
The focus of appreciative inquiry is to do more of what works. Standard problem-solving focus involves “doing less of something we do not do well”. One of the assumptions of appreciative inquiry is that what we focus on becomes our reality. If we focus on what is wrong or what is missing, we tend to see everything through that frame and disregard information that does not fit that reality. Instead of seeing problems in a new light, we tend to keep doing what we have always done. The potential for repeating the same mistakes is high.
So, how can we apply this appreciative inquiry concept? For starters, we can explore all the factors that contributed to create a peak experience in our past and consciously apply those strengths, values, gifts, emotions, attitudes, and perspective to a current challenge we are facing.
It might be helpful to:
• Think of a time in the past when we felt energized, effective and fulfilled. This moment could have happened yesterday or years ago – anytime we completed a project or event or achieved something we considered special.
• Describe what we most value about ourselves with this memory in mind. What are our strengths, unique gifts, and talents – and how did they contribute to the peak experiences we are recalling.
• Looking at the list we created, think about: “What can I carry forward to my current challenge? What is possible for me now?”
The intent of Appreciative Dialogue is to teach the brain how to make the shift from problems to possibilities or repeat a positive experience. Given the choice, and we do have a choice by the way, it certainly beats beating ourselves up and succumbing to feelings of insecurity and inadequacy. Can you envision the power of using this approach to “accentuate the positive” and problem-solve your way to successful solutions?
Adapted from Appreciative Inquiry by Sue Annis Hammond and Wander Woman: How High-Achieving Women Find Contentment and Direction by Marcia Reynolds, PsyD, MCC