Before You Get Married, You Should Get Divorced At Least Once
Posted on September 20, 2009 by Hadley Earabino, One of Thousands of Career Coaches on Noomii.
If you make it to the other side of this journey that involves saying goodbye to some of your biggest hopes and dreams, you will be a new creation.
Before you get married, you should get divorced at least once.
I’m one of those divorce-activated people, people who, after going through a divorce, realize they used to be full of crap. Divorce made me a much better person. And I’m not alone. I know quite a few folks who were complete jerks before they got a divorce. Divorce, unless you are a psychopathic narcissist, is one of the most painful spiritual tests in life, and it kind of turns you into a slippery primordial ooze, which is, in fact, very easy to work with.
It helps to have some kind of counselor, coach, or wise old aunt to help you get through a divorce. You need to be a strong potter to work this clay, this stuff-that-used-to-be-your-life, into a beautiful new bowl, or vase or pot. But if you’ve ever watched a potter and a wheel, it’s a muddy business. They don’t call it “throwing a pot” for nothing. It involves cutting and spinning and slime and knives and wires. And then there’s the kiln, which is set at, oh, around 2000 degrees.
But if you make it through, if you make it to the other side of this journey that involves saying goodbye to some of your biggest hopes and dreams, you will be a new creation.
Now some people make it to the other side full of resentment and piss and vinegar. They spend the next 40 years of their life remembering all the ways they were done wrong, which is basically like taking poison and hoping the other person will die. Resentment punishes no one but the resentful.
Still other people make it to the other side of divorce having learned nothing. They’ve medicated themselves with martinis, pulled the covers over their heads, or clung to the belief that if they ignore it long enough, the pain of reality will just go away.
There is another kind of person who wakes up from yet another a night of crying into a lonely pillow only to realize they are still alive. They have taken the time to grieve the loss of their marriage, their family, and it hasn’t killed them. In fact, they’re determined to live life the best way they know how, from now on. They saw what they did to contribute to the divorce, they saw it wasn’t all their fault, they put away their wedding pictures, and they went on to be the best they could be.
It’s pretty simple, really. Divorce is a great opportunity to start over. There’s really nothing to do but build something new. But you have to put down your martini first.
