Living Through the Teen Years
Posted on October 24, 2012 by Rick and Leisa Olson, One of Thousands of Life Coaches on Noomii.
When we expect our teenage children to go through the terrible teen years do we actually will our children to live up to our expectations?
As a step parent coach and an expert with AllExperts.com, I have had many step parents write to me about their 13 year old step child. What is it about this age that brings out the worst in children and us as parents? I wanted to address some of the issues behind this behaviour.
As a parent and step parent, I know that I kept hearing about those terrible teenage years. We are warned about them, you read about them, and as a parent you get yourself prepared for the worst.
I believe that what we think about most usually comes about. So are we actually willing our children to behave differently, to act the role of the terrible teenager?
Children have the incredible ability to live up to what we expect of them. If we expect them to be the “typical” teenagers then we treat them differently than if we have expectations of respect, responsibility and reasonableness. I am not saying that you will not have some of the issues, but if you have different expectations you will treat your child differently and you will get different results.
I have heard parents explain away their child’s bad behaviour as just being a typical teenager. Or they say what can you expect? They are a teenager. Can you see that the parent’s expectation is that they will misbehave and that is part of being a teenager? I believe that if we expect our children to behave in appropriate ways then we are more like to get appropriate behaviour.
Here is something that most parents may already know but studies of the teen mind are proving – the teen brain is different than the adult brain. It is still developing into their twenties.
Often when we see our children growing, and achieving great results, we assume that at about 13 or 14 that the child’s brain is almost fully developed, and of course your teen feels this too. But according to the research done on the teen brain, their pre-frontal cortex, the area of the brain that controls functions such as self-control and judgement, is still under development.
Although your teen has incredible physical abilities, and they feel that they know and can do everything, their mind is still developing, and reorganizing. They often have major mood swings, behave in a rude, surly way, and may not be able to even think about the effects of their behaviour on other people. It is at this stage of development where the adolescent mind is susceptible to influence and is very actively forming habits patterns, patterns that can affect them the rest of their lives. Because their brains are still developing and forming these habit patterns, the effect of early use of drugs and alcohol can have a life long negative affect on the function of their brains.
What can you do to help your teen through these years?
Your teen will often display lack of judgement and self-control combined with a preference for physical activity, so it is important to guide your teen to take healthy risks.
Participation in constructive activities, such as athletics or the arts, will help him or her form positive lifestyle habits. These activities will help your teen’s fore-brain develop the habits that will help guide them for the rest of their lives.
If you have pre-teens and want to reduce the negative effects of this period of brain development, get them involved in service to others. Studies have proven that this act of giving or being of service to others has a huge beneficial influence on the teen. They are less likely to get involved in drugs and other negative behaviour associated with the lack of judgement and self-control.
