Journey to Joy

Posted on October 04, 2012 by David Jacks, One of Thousands of Life Coaches on Noomii.

I wonder how many times I have heard, “I’ll be happy when…” or “I just need to get past_______.” I wonder how many times I’ve said those things. I always had good reasons. Since my shift, it’s hard to recall all the different reasons I had for not being happy. However, here are some that come to mind: I’ll be happy when my business is making enough money for me to live, or when I graduate college, or when I get a job, or when I sell my house, or when I recover from surgery (knee, appendectomy, and sinus). All of these reasons make perfect sense and I wasn’t alone. In fact, this way of viewing life and happiness are very common here in America.

Our typical view of happiness is, “When X happens, I’ll be happy.” So our lives are a quest for X! Funny, I don’t recall Algebra being so joyous, and I was pretty good at solving for X. We love our X’s, and we are 110% sure that we are right – we will be happy when we accomplish X.

Many times X is about either finding the one or making more money. There are many other versions of X that are also great reasons people use to justify their lack of happiness. Some women that are in their mid-late 30’s and single and want to have children feel their only chance to be happy is to find someone ASAP and get pregnant. While many men may be feeling stuck in their career and just can’t be happy until they figure out how they are going to make more money or get a promotion. Then there are men, women and many adolescents that have been diagnosed with a mood disorder and believe the best they could do is take a prescription and manage or cope. Their version of X would be if I could get over my depression or if I wasn’t Bipolar then I would be happy.

The reason I mention the different versions of X is actually because of their similarities. There were only two types of scenarios that people feel they need to achieve to be happy, one type is external such as finding the one or getting a new job and the other is internal such as overcoming a mood disorder. There is a common thread and that is that any of those reasons for not being happy are based on limiting beliefs. They are based on “what is” rather than what is possible. When this is the case we are taking a scenario or message and allowing that to limit our happiness or state of being. When we do this – take something that limits us in any way and hold onto it as an absolute truth is a limiting belief. Limiting beliefs block our access to joy. Since our thoughts cause our mood, as long as we hold onto a thought such as “I’ll be happy when,” we will not be happy!

In order to be happy you must choose that you want to be happy, and then you must give thought to what will make you happy. Another way to put it would be that you must set your intention to be happy and then look for reasons to maintain your happiness. After all, is “the one” looking to be 100% responsible for your happiness, or do you think he or she might be more attracted to someone who already is happy?

Speaking of happy, I know that happy and joy mean the same thing to most of us and I’m going to use my creative license as a coach and writer to make a distinction anyway. This distinction is for your benefit, so please allow me to make up words and distinctions, and give yourself an opportunity to be happy. I mean joyous!

When I think of happy I tend to think of a mood that occurs as the result of something happening. As example, I’ll be happy when I meet the one. Once I have a reason, I’ll experience happiness. That is, we are looking for an outside event to cause an internal feeling.

Obviously things happen in our lives that are more likely to create a happy mood than a sad mood. Although if it is the outside world that is responsible for our mood, then how could one ever have any chance at sustaining happiness? Here lies the distinction between joy and happiness.

Joy is something that you create from within yourself. It is a way of being. As humans, we have many different ways of being, and joyous is one of our options. I think it’s a great choice. It seems like everyone wants to be happy, so one would think that more people would be happy. Only most people are not happy or any where near as happy as they could be. Sound confusing?

There is something that is even more important to most people than being happy, though few people, if any would ever admit to this. Most people would rather be right than to be happy! I know many have grown tired of Dr. Phil and his Pop Psychology, but my favorite quote of his is, “Do you want to be happy or do you want to be right?” All of your reasons for not being happy are right, and many people would rather hold onto their reasons than surrender to joy.

Thus, the difficult part is choosing to be joyous. What is difficult is letting go of, or surrendering, our righteousness and default way of being. The difficult part is considering that we are responsible for our own happiness and it is indeed a choice. It has nothing to do with our circumstances. This is hard because the vast majority of people will tell you how you need to have x, y, or z to be happy, and they continue to reinforce those limiting beliefs. In order to be happy you have to march to the beat of your own drummer so to speak, or perhaps you may need to be what many people would consider a little crazy.

So while it is very reasonable to not be happy if you don’t have the life you want, I’m suggesting that rather than being normal and unhappy, you choose to be joyous and even a bit weird. I’m encouraging you to choose to know that you are worthy of joy and that you are capable of joy regardless of your current set of circumstances. I know this to be true and helping others realize this truth gives me great joy. There is nothing I enjoy more than helping others on their own Journey to Joy. Hopefully, just reading this has enabled joy to start rising within you and maybe you want to take it a step further and take action toward the joyous life you crave and deserve.

P.S. In the event you want to take action and don’t know where to start please don’t hesitate to contact me for a free consultation at david@coachjacks.com to begin your Journey to Joy.