A guide to becoming the perfect mother-in-law

Posted on September 24, 2012 by CJ Blancett, One of Thousands of Life Coaches on Noomii.

Your baby boy is all grown up and has chosen that special person to pop the question to. Whatever will you do?

The first thing you should do is celebrate that your son has found someone to love and share his life with, and then take an honest assessment of your personal emotions.

If your initial reaction is one of fear of “losing your childs’ affection” or jealousy that your child has “chosen someone over you” then I suggest you find a competent therapist and seek help immediately in sorting through these feelings and restructuring your emotions.

Far too often I have encountered wives suffering from what has been coined the “mother-in-law blues”, many times questioning their position on the family “chain”. They struggle with whether or not they have the right to overturn a decision made “in the interest of their husband” by his mom, if their husband will stand by a decision that contradicts his moms’ wishes, and most commonly, whether or not she will ever gain the approval of her mother-in-law.

In today’s society where an alarming percentage of marriages end in divorce for reasons ranging from money issues, child rearing issues, career issues and far too often, infidelity issues, this type of stress on a marriage can prove equally detrimental, but is by far the easiest one to overcome. Following these simple steps will ensure that you are not losing a son but gaining a very happy daughter.

First, remember that you have raised your son to be nothing less than a productive and responsible adult. Throughout his life he’s made decisions as to what sports to play, whether or not to go to college and what type of career path he would follow. You stood behind him, at most times very proudly. You taught him to think for himself then and you should show him the respect and allow him to do so now.

Next, you must accept that he is now an adult and as such has the freedom and the right to make decisions based solely on his research and information. As hard as it is to accept, he no longer needs your permission nor does he need your acceptance. Insisting on interjecting in his personal decisions could at the least cause him to begin second guessing himself in other matters and could ultimately lead to a loss of his self-esteem, loss of confidence in decision making and worse case scenario, cripple his role and how he is viewed within his own marriage.

Take comfort in the knowledge that when deciding to marry, many men seek out a mate that has similar traits or qualities of their mother. Get to know the new woman in his life and count your blessings with every act of love and selflessness towards your son. Accept that although she may or may not be what you would have chosen, she is his choice and embrace the differences you may share.

Take solace in the fact that your son has found someone to love and share his life with, and let this guide you to happiness. Learn to view this woman as your ally and not your adversary, and you will undoubtedly gain more access to your son and his new found family than ever before.

And last but not least, take pride in having instilled the type of qualities in a man that drew another human being close to him with similar aspirations of reveling in the “happily ever after”. You never know, she may be secretly thankful for having the opportunity to share the life with the woman who raised the man of her dreams.