Loneliness

Posted on September 17, 2012 by Kate Carlton, One of Thousands of ADD ADHD Coaches on Noomii.

Holidays are particularly lonely for me. Even Hallmark Holidays- those are the ones that card companies create just to make money.
I don’t know if it is because I am single, have a very small family (most of whom do not live here), or holidays are made for couples.
Although, I must say, when I was married, holidays made me more aware of how lonely I was in my marriage.

July 4th has just passed. I had no plans. I love fireworks but am way too uncomfortable to go to see them by myself. Fortunately, a married friend who was not doing anything special, invited me over to have dinner with her family. It was a small, quick dinner, but I was grateful, as it broke up the monotony of being alone. My friend spent a lot of the time complaining how she is so bored in the summer. Most people in my area have a summer house, pool in the backyard, or belong to a country club.

She and I have none of the above. She always has plans, as she is married, and goes out frequently with other couples. She takes a ride to the beach with her husband almost every weekend. It has just been too hot. She works part time, could work more, but chooses not to. As a friend, I wanted to be supportive. As a therapist, if she were my patient, we would work on how she can fill her time more productively. But, I can’t always be working and I definitely thought I was the wrong one to complain to. Do you tell someone who doesn’t have a mother, how great it is spending time with your mother? The only thing I did say (in my defense), was “at least you have someone to talk to when you are home doing nothing.”

I don’t want to be selfish, and everyone’s issues do not revolve around me. But, I find that most people are quite insensitive to my situation, although, I try not to talk about the times I am not feeling great. I keep busy most of the time, and definitely do not mind spending a day or two by myself. Last night I read almost an entire book. I was lonely. I can’t say I was lonely for a man, as after being single for so many years, it is not even a thought in my mind. I think on some level I have given up hope of finding someone “normal” who can appreciate me.

As time goes on, I find less and less single people to be with. I had a large group of couples that were a huge part of my life for over 20 years. Things change and you must start anew. It has been difficult for me, but I always appear happy and am pleasant to be around. I ran in to an old friend in the supermarket today. We chatted for about five minutes, and as we were parting she said, “I am glad to see you are really happy.” I thought this was quite interesting, especially since today I felt particularly “not happy”.

Kate
http://www.eastcoasttherapist.com