I have been reading quite a bit about people accepting what they look like

Posted on September 13, 2012 by Kate Carlton, One of Thousands of ADD ADHD Coaches on Noomii.

I have been reading quite a bit about people accepting what they look like -specifically their body types.
I have gone to several 12 step programs where people are trying to learn to love themselves as they are.

One of the affirmations in CODA (co dependents anonymous) is “I love my body just as it is.” An affirmation is a list of statements that you read at the end of the meeting and pick the one or ones that apply to you.
I will never read that one nor have I heard anyone else read that one.
I wonder why?
Our society is so focused on being thin- very thin. Rich people are thin. Powerful people are thin. Successful people are thin. And, surely, if you want to find a boyfriend/ husband/ wife you must be thin.
“You can never be too rich or too thin.” Society has distorted our views, our self images, our belief that we are okay.
We are good enough, but we may not be thin enough.
And now, we have an onslaught of the “I love myself fat” bloggers.
Really? In all of my years of practice, working in weight loss facilities, in group and individual therapies, and even on a personal level, no one has ever really believed, that deep down under the facade of acceptance, they are happy being fat. Try to name a number of weight loss facilities, or types of diets. I would say most of you can easily come up with at least 10. How do they stay around if all these people are so happy with their bodies?
Yes, overweight people do want an opportunity to dress nicely, to feel good about themselves (or at least try), and to be able to wear the latest trends. But, those who are trying to say, “I am fat love me this way, I do”- I don’t buy it. I will bet anything, that if any of those happy, overweight people were given a “magic” pill that would make them a size 6 tomorrow (with no side effects)- that there would not be a one who would not have their arm out stretched, hand open..
Every lunch conversation of a great deal of women between the ages of awareness and extinct, centers around dieting. If not the entire conversation, it is almost always touched upon. If it is not at your table, it can be overheard at the table next to you. I read an article recently that said if at least one out of two conversations with your friends centers around weight, get new friends. I would have none.
When was the last time you told a person who gained weight, “gee, you’re putting on weight, you look amazing.” But, the reverse- a person loses weight, accolades follow.
Trust me, I don’t care if you are fat or thin- I care about who you are as a person. I definitely think it is more important to love yourself, not just the way you look. Recently I read a card that said “eat some of that makeup on your face so you can be pretty on the inside, too.” That is the key- to love yourself.
But, to pretend you are not concerned if you are morbidly obese is a fallacy that no one can convince me of. First of all, health wise, it will put you at greater risk of heart failure, diabetes, and a multitude of other serious health issues. Is that not a concern?
And dating? Getting undressed in front of a new lover is difficult enough. A person with rolls of excess skin must find it slightly more difficult. Wouldn’t you agree?
I can’t count the number of people that have come to me to deal with dysmorphia (distorted body image). No matter how thin they are, in their mind they see themselves as fat. Any comment that can be misunderstood becomes a trigger word to reaffirm that they really are overweight. And what does overweight mean? It means weak, lazy, unsuccessful, and yes, maybe even stupid and ugly.
From the teenagers to the adults (in my practice most women are the ones experiencing these issues), I have seen how difficult it is to convince the woman who is 5 pounds overweight, that is not the reason why she can’t find a husband. Who has made us feel this way? Is it the emaciated female and male models? Was it Twiggy back in the 60′s? Is it the women on the big screen? Whoever, or whatever- we are taught that thin is good, and fat is bad.
Right now I am seeing a 50 something year old, affluent woman who is probably on her 100th diet. She just finished with the balls you have placed behind your ears by an acupuncturist, and rub when you get hungry. You alternate between milk days and vegetable days.
She did great! She lost about 50 pounds in several months. Unfortunately, she probably gained back 60.
She is now on a diet where she is eating 400 calories a day and taking amphetamines- doctor prescribed. A meal can consist of a hard boiled egg.
She thinks she is going to keep that weight off once she returns to normal eating. “I just need a jump start,” she said. Again.
It starts at home. You tell your kids they are smart, and beautiful and can accomplish anything they want and they will believe it. You tell them they are not good enough, and they will definitely believe that one, too. And, for the rest of their lives, they will try and be good enough- but will never feel they are. You are powerful role models. Focus on the positive and you can produce healthy children who accept and love themselves. Weight will not be an issue, because healthy children don’t need to self medicate with food.
Find me an obese blogger who loves they way they look and would not choose to be thinner, and I will show you that there is a real Santa Claus.

Kate
http://www.eastcoasttherapist.com