Courtship versus dating

Posted on August 31, 2012 by Rebekkah Slowley Psy BS CLC, One of Thousands of Christian Coaches on Noomii.

Do you take this woman?

By:Rebekkah Slowley

Very powerful scripture indeed and has been recited at many of weddings for both the Christian and the secular couple who have crossed over the threshold of dating or courtship into marriage. Notice I made reference to both dating and courtship because there is a distinctive difference between the two. From a world standpoint the differences don’t seem to be that distinctive. Let’s explore the Webster’s dictionary’s definition of both and see what Webster has to say:

Dating: A particular month, day, and year at which some event happened or will happen: an inscription on a writing, coin, etc., that shows the time, or time and place, of writing, casting, delivery, etc; the time during which anything lasts; an appointment for a particular time: Dates, the birth and death dates, usually in years, of a person: to show the age of; show to be old-fashioned. To make a date with; go out on dates with: To date, up to the present time; until now:

Courtship: the wooing of one person by another. The period during which such wooing takes place. Solicitation of favors, applause, etc. ( Ethology ) behavior in animals that occurs before and during mating, often including elaborate displays. Obsolete. Courtly behavior; courtesy; gallantry.

Clearly courtship is more defined along the lines of a commitment. So it is with a Godly relationship. Dating however does not necessarily denote or indicate that a commitment particularly, a commitment of marriage is forthcoming. Dating as in the dictionary definition proves as a tool with which to meet people or in the instance of the opposite sex, to get to know each other better through spending time with each other doing things socially such as dinner, movies, family and social gatherings AS WELL AS SEXUAL INTERCOURSE/INTIMACY for the purpose of determining compatibility. Therefore, one can fall into the trap of having varied sexual partners throughout a period of time because one or both parties may determine based on the sexual experience that this person is not the right fit. When sex is included as a part of the measuring stick, it becomes the primary factor in the decision making process. Which is why it is my belief that the Lord in his infinite wisdom, did NOT include intimacy as part of the process of dating but sex comes into play ONLY after marriage, since there are much more crucial contributing factors that makes not only for a lifelong mate, but a satisfying marriage and a purpose driven existence.

One may argue that this principle is obsolete, but the Bible states in Hebrews13:8 that “Jesus Christ is the same yesterday, today and forever.” It goes on further to warn about being distracted by and attracted to ‘strange ideas’ that are not of God. Dating is a loose term that gives credence to infidelity and indecisiveness. It gives one the authority to deal in multiples rather than to concentrate fully your energies on an individual. It also places no mandate on the state of one’s soul. Thus, your potential partner may or may not necessarily be grounded in the word of God. Which is the first and foremost attribute required and that should be sought above and beyond the physical. Dating makes it okay to try, sample and test the waters. Courting in contrast is not for the person or persons who are not seriously looking to get married. In fact, according to the 2008 article in Boundless Magazine; “Biblical courting has only one objective; To find a spouse. It goes on further to say that; “a particular man will court a particular woman based on an idea that he believes she is the one and the courtship is the process of discerning whether or not that belief is correct”.

Dating minimizes the importance of such qualities as Godliness, faithfulness, stewardship, loyalty, kindness, tenacity, discipline, patience, faith, hope, joy, peace. When one dates, the qualities that are most important are Physical appearances, financial stability, sexual prowess, assets, social awareness and adaptability. Christians who ‘date’ based on these principles are sure to fail in marriage within the first five years. It is my sincere belief that this is why Christian marriages fail at a higher percentage than the secular. We are trying to manifest into a Godly institution based on worldly principles and THAT is an insult to the author and creator of that institution. Ecclesiastes 4:12 states “A cord of three strands is not easily broken”. What does that mean? You may ask, since there are only two people that are getting married. The third party is God being intertwined and centered in your union. That is the key to the sucessful transition from courtship to Marriage.