Marraiges that work
Posted on August 31, 2012 by Rebekkah Slowley Psy BS CLC, One of Thousands of Christian Coaches on Noomii.
This was taken from a paper that I did for Liberty University
Food for thought!
CCOU 301
Marriages that work
Many may argue that there is no such thing as a happy marriage. To a certain extent that is true. There is no guarantee that you will always be happy in marriage but on the other token, there is a certain guarantee that you will have disagreement with your spouse and it might even become explosive. In short, Fulfilled and happy marriages are very hard to achieve but it is also very possible. More often than not, the main reasons why marriages fail is not because of the faults of either parties but rather the lack of compromise and the coming to an agreement when those flaws come to the surface.
Marriages are not built necessarily on loving one another but loving past the things about them that may not be so favorable. It’s about self sacrifice and compromise. Seeing to your needs last and be willing and available to fulfill the needs of your spouse first. It’s about being able to say you’re sorry even when you’re not at fault. It’s about living for the other’s happiness instead of your own. It’s about responding to anger with a gentle tone. It’s about not holding a grudge but discussing the issue.
Marriages dissolving, more often than not is not attributed to a major event but rather a series of small events that remain unresolved because of a lack of communication. So much goes misunderstood for such a long time that by the time the couple look up, they are left wondering: “what has happened to me? What has happened to us? Who are you anyway?” It could be as simple as not washing the dishes when its your turn, because to that spouse who had to do the very duty that was assigned to you, can be misinterpreted or interpreted as selfishness and inconsideration. That small infraction can snowball into a very watchful eye, looking out to see what other incidences of selfishness that may occur in the marriage and we all know that if you are looking hard enough for something you will find it. Issues that are usually insignificant can be a big deal once one party decides that the other is taking them for granted. Issues that are deemed to be too little to be talked about become a breeding ground for contempt due to the fact that pride will prevent either parties from discussing an issue which to the world and themselves seem to be so miniscule.
Happy couples are couples that first decide that divorce is not an option. Quite frankly, it is my sincere belief that if that option is not on the table, another healthier alternative to the problem is forced to be explored. Happy couples are those who recognizes that their spouses will err and thus they already have not only the mindset to forgive in advance. They have a pro-active solution for a problem that is sure to arise but has not manifested itself as of yet. Lasting marriages are those in which the couple of quick to forgive and slow to react.
Min. Tracy-Ann Morris
