Are you ready to be loved and appreciated?
Posted on May 26, 2012 by Eric Stone, One of Thousands of Performance Coaches on Noomii.
Within communication and public speaking lies a deeper meaning: the context of our own acceptance and validation.
Context and premise. This title is seemingly misleading for an article dedicated to public speaking. However, I am interested in demonstrating its relevance and importance precisely in relationship to communication, performance and public speaking. Beyond the basic required skills to present or deliver speeches successfully lies a deeper and larger meaning; it is the context of our own acceptance and validation.
Skills are only a safety net in a sense, almost like a cathedral is a construct for spiritual awareness but not the awareness itself. So we need a foundation of skills to plant ourselves firmly so we can effectively express who we are in any given public context.
Underneath the obvious purpose of any kind of presentation is the undeclared wish for the acceptance of what we present. We secretly or openly hope it will be well received and it includes us, not just what we present. However, the presenter is the vessel through which the presentation has to go. Here is the rub: how can we be accepted and appreciated by others if we do not accept and appreciate ourselves?
During a presentation, aspects of ourselves that are not accepted get exposed. It could be labeled as hang-ups or fears that are dormant and become active only in the public realm. In front of a group more than any other place, we are seen outside our normal personal and social contexts. We all do a great job of hiding our fears and shattered selves but the public realm makes us remember, and reveals them. It is the magic of the realm.
Nowhere else than in the public eye can we become more present to the dismantling of our personal identity. If there are things we have not embraced about ourselves they will be seen. Nervousness, inadequacies, vulnerabilities, sensitivities, pains, disappointments, fears of all kinds, sense of loss, survival, lack of acceptance, lack of honesty, etc., all come rushing to the surface and become the hidden obstacles to surmount. They come in all forms and all dosages. Otherwise, why in Heaven would we have issues with public speaking or anything else for that matter?
Genuine discovery about who we are happens through others and in public. From childhood we have all been dismantled and sometimes shattered from our original wholesome state. In childhood, expression was generally more spontaneous and a true reflection of who we were. By the time we become adults, we have learnt powerful methods to hide who we are through what is commonly seen as projected self-images. Perceived reality is what sells we think. We become enslaved to outer reality at the expense of our inner truth.
All the parts of ourselves that have been brushed aside, buried, ignored, rejected, assaulted, repressed, raped, ridiculed, punished, left bleeding, etc., all emerge in a public presentation whether you are a cop directing traffic, a president of a large corporation addressing a small audience, a comedian, an actor, a dancer, a manager delivering a presentation to customers, a trial lawyer arguing a case, a school teacher, etc. That’s what makes public speaking challenging and difficult.
On a deep subconscious level these are the things we are trying to conquer and transcend. By exposing our vulnerabilities we become attractive to an audience but only once we have accepted these vulnerabilities ourselves. We can only do it through acceptance and awareness. The hiding always reveals and the exposing makes transparent. It’s the magic of the realm here too. Later, all vulnerabilities become integrated.
In society, we celebrate sameness not differences and from very early on we are compared to others or intensely made to be like others. Comparison is the enforcer aided by punishment or unpleasant consequences. How can you be accepted and appreciated by others if you do not appreciate yourself? In my book, everyone has the capacity to confront and later accept their fears to becoming great at something but it must go through the risk of exposure and acceptance.
Every single person is unique and expresses uniquely but one cannot celebrate that uniqueness by either copying others or hiding oneself. You might be more ready than you think to be loved and appreciated for the unique contribution and self-expression that you bring to the game. I have an immeasurable respect and admiration for individuals and groups who come and train with me; mainly for the courage that it takes to expose their vulnerabilities and the courage that it takes to welcome and accept them.
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