Who Are You Trying Please?
Posted on April 24, 2012 by Mari Mitchell-Porter, One of Thousands of Relationship Coaches on Noomii.
overcoming people pleasing, being happy
My father used to say “Since you can’t please everyone, you might as well please yourself.” I remember he and my mom would throw parties for over forty people and they always heard back negative comments about the food or drink. He had learned, the hard way, that no matter what you do, there’s always someone who complains. Even if fifty people are happy with your actions, there will still be that one you can never please. That was long before the song “Garden Party” by Ricky Nelson came out which says the same thing. Very wise advice. However, I didn’t take it.
Like so many others, I spent much of my life being a people pleaser. The rationalization was that if I was nice, they would like me, be my friend and that would prove to the world what a good person I was.
The problem with this belief system is, when we spend so much effort doing what make others happy at the expense of what make us happy we end up with a very unsatisfying, unfulfilled and not to mention, unhappy life.
I was miserable, but VERY VERY nice. I was careful never to offend anyone by disagreeing with them, sharing my point of view or insisting we go someplace I preferred. No rocking the boat for me. I might fall out and then I’d be all alone.
As I achieved more and more personal growth, the realization came to me that I was going about things backwards. How could I bring any joy or happiness to anyone else’s life if I wasn’t happy? So, I changed my mind, deciding my happiness was the most important thing and from this joy, I would enhance the life of those around me. It worked, my life began to change for the better and now it’s filled with people I love, a career I’m passionate about and so much joy.
As we wind down to the end of 2011, I encourage you to set aside some time and think about what makes YOU happy.
Note two or three thing you’ve always wanted to do, but never made time for. Ponder what you really enjoy doing, that you’ve put aside. Notice how many things or activities you’re involved in that you don’t really ejoy at all. Make a plan to purposefully go after what make you happy in 2012.May your holidays be wonderful and filled with unending blessings.
I specialize in helping people bring the joy back into their lives. If you’d like more information please visit my website.
Mari Mitchell Porter, CPC
Certified Professional Coach
mari@lifecoachmari.com
http://lifecoachmari.com/
