Domestic Violence/Sexual Abuse
Posted on April 10, 2012 by Pauline Haynes, One of Thousands of Life Coaches on Noomii.
Should we be silent bystanders??
Greetings;
The month of April, apart from being Spring – a time of newness and renewal. It has also been designated as Sexual Assault Awareness Month. How opposing the forces are. Gentleness. Hope. Renewal versus Violence. Aggression. Brutality. Force. Intolerance.
The face of domestic violence and sexual abuse is not dependent on looks, socio-economics, education, political affiliation or religious beliefs. It is an insidious plague in our society. It impacts not just this generation, but generations to follow. I offer the following letter, written by a client of mine, who is doing amazing work to shift her perspectives, to make a difference in other people’s lives, and despite all her advances, is still afraid for her safety. Is afraid to use her name or reveal her identity.
Perhaps while we are enjoying our personal renewal and resurrection, we can give a thought to the men, women and children who have been victimized, and take a stand to make sure it does not continue. As a society, we are responsible.
“Dear New Survivor,
Congratulations on leaving; none of us do it lightly and it takes a lot of courage. We know.
During the next year or two don’t be surprised if your feelings roller coaster between exhilaration and severe depression; if your weight fluctuates twenty pounds up or down; or if your known world goes topsy turvy. Shifts will be happening.
As you get further into the legal process of severing yourself from domestic violence, at times the trips and traps flung your way may seem unbearable. Don’t give up, don’t go back. None of what happened, nor the new degradations that you may need to live through, was or is your fault. No matter what others may say to you, nothing you have said or done has any cause-and-effect on someone who chooses to do you harm and treat you with disrespect.
And know this: things will get better. You have no idea, one year from now, what amazing things you will have learned, what amazing things you will dream for you and your kids, what amazing things will just be starting to take hold. And each year out of abuse will be better and better. The main present waiting for you—that will make everything else possible—is you discovering who you really are, and the best gift of all will be you, becoming who you were meant to be.
As you begin your own unique and awesome journey, here are some tips to get you started:
0. Take advantage of all forms of healing that involve telling your stories of trauma, including domestic violence support groups, individual therapy with a trauma specialist, talking to trusted friends, “talking” to a trusted journal. 0. If you need to, and are able to, chill out and vegetate for a year or more. You have experienced deep psychic injuries: let yourself heal. 0. Dare to look in the mirror, often—and embrace with love what you see. 0. As much as you can, take good care of yourself: eat healthy, get needed sleep, take long walks, try to gentle into new routines. 0. Always compliment yourself for everything—teeth brushing, getting out of bed before noon, finishing the paper, paying your bills. 0. If possible, treat yourself every day: in moderation buy treats to eat, sing songs that move you, watch TV that makes you laugh. 0. Try to educate yourself on domestic violence and DV legal issues; if available, go to court dates accompanied by a trusted friend or advocate. 0. When you are most depressed—find a hope and a large dream and do a little step each day to make them come true. 0. Don’t stress too much: eventually you will get to the other side; breathe.Your life previous to today may have been filled with chaos and despair—and may for a bit longer. But hang on because in time you and your children will find a new life with ample peace and harmony. Not every dream will fly high, but more than you ever thought possible when you were living in abuse.
Wishing you loads of inner strength, luck, and love as you proceed on the road to accepting nothing but respectful and kind relationships.
Every Fourth Woman."
