GOOD GRIEF
Posted on March 13, 2012 by Carla Langmead, One of Thousands of Life Coaches on Noomii.
Two years ago where I thought I was heading and where I actually am are poles apart!.
Right now I should have a well paid job and enjoying a new relationship full of new exciting and passionate discoveries! One of my favourite sayings, and I believe it was Woody Allen, is “If you want to make God laugh tell God your plans” Sometimes life can present the most un expected challenges, far beyond ones own imagination. Adversity, change and challenges are unfortunately par for the course. Its what we do with them and how we perceive them that is the key to keeping going. Feelings of being helpless, hopeless, desperate, scared, unconfident, and afraid of what the future is going to bring is something we all have to deal with somewhere in our lives. Some people find those feelings less stressful than others, but if you struggle with them it can be a dark lonely place to find yourself. Technically speaking it’s actually grief we go through when we have changes in life. When we lose something/ a lifestyle/ or someone, there is a process that we go through. Shock, denial, anger, depression, and acceptance but not necessarily in that order. When life throws a curve ball and we are required to change, these many faces of grief will find us at different stages. If you are someone who is affected by disability then these stages could be an on going process if you are having to constantly re-shift and change. Having supportive loving family or friends around you certainly is a major bonus, not everyone has that luxury though. A good self management plan, systematic in principle is always a good idea…Don’t underestimate it. Being aware of some basic requirements for your own happiness is a great place to start. What are the simple things that make you happy? What makes a good day good? Sometimes simplicity like this works and yet at other times it doesn’t. I don’t believe there is just one answer, there is most likely many variables. Sometimes shifting our thoughts is possible and if successfully done can be life changing. Here are a few thoughts I throw around in my own head when I start feeling scared: I make myself think of what I have gained as a result of my changed situation, I think of my children who I am more grateful for than ever before, I am so lucky to have two healthy children in my life. I think about my late father and realise I still have lots of life ahead of me, he lost his chance. And I think of my poor poor mate who through major health disability’s struggles daily with his broken body and has lost so so much of his life and independence. But the one that really gets me to where I want to be in my head is this one, ( and try not to laugh) I imagine our planet and how small it is in comparison to the infinity of space. (where that thought comes from goodness knows! ) But knowing that there is something far bigger out there than me is integral to my strategy being effective. Am I weird? Maybe… but it works for me. Exercise is also an integral part of my strategies as well. Regular exercise helps clear my head, and for a limited time it makes my worries smaller and of course makes me sleep well which is paramount for handling the day ahead. The by product of course is also a healthy strong body which can still fit into my favourite dress from twenty years ago! Find out what strategies work for you and use them they can work if you give them a chance and keep practising them.
Adversity and big change brings challenges and it’s hard, lets not beat around the bush, it brings up a lot of scary feelings, yet change and challenge can also be the very thing that will become your foundation for strength and re-newed confidence. Learn how to deal with change and you have an opportunity to learn lots about yourself, your world around you and others. Sometimes we seek change and challenges and other times it finds us. Either way change is inevitable. I recently saw on a movie this little saying “Courage is having the ability to feel fear but to keep going anyway, it’s not to be found in the absence of fear”. Change will give you courage, if you can accept, learn and grow with it. Learn how to handle the little changes so when or if the big challenges come you will have a few tools under your belt.
If you have some of your own strategies that you already use I would love to hear them. You can email me at Carla@wellnesscoaching.ac.nz
Kia kaha.
Carla Langmead
Wellness Coach.
Counselling Skills Certified.
