The Amazing, Multi-Faceted Gift of Misfortune: How It Helps You Become Luckier

Posted on March 10, 2012 by Cougar Brenneman, One of Thousands of Career Coaches on Noomii.

When you are feeling stuck or unhappy with your situation, what are your feelings really saying to you? Your feelings are messages from a part of your mind that you may not be very skilled at listening to. This lack of skill is the reason some people get into self destructive, addictive, or negative behavior—which could be anything from drinking or eating too much, working too long at the office, gambling, watching mindless pablum on TV when they know they have something of great importance to do instead.

We’ve all done this: me, you, and everyone else. Getting through these negative times is hard for everyone, and anyone who hasn’t experienced times like these has no business being a coach, therapist, priest, or counselor. “You’re not alone” is an important insight to have about yourself. In fact, one of the first things you can do for yourself when feeling stuck or unhappy in any way is to mentally reach out and feel the presence of all of the other people who feel similar to you around the world.

Can you remember a time like this in your life to use as an example? Be specific about what year it was or is, what misfortune or unhappiness you were experiencing, who were the other people in your life, and a key event or situation that sticks out in your mind during this time. Make your memory as detailed as you can. Put your mind back into that time, as if you were there.

Now that you’re imagining yourself in this terrible time, imagine the community of people from around the world who are in the same boat as you. This is a community that you belong to. It’s a community of people who feel the same kind of stuckness that you feel. It’s a community of people who feel unhappy in a similar way as you. So reach out in your mind to the millions of people in this world who feel the same way.

On this unhappy day in your memory, your community is a very diverse group that contains all kinds of people. Notice one thing: There are people who are missing from this community that were part of it a few days ago. They’ve recently felt the same way as you do, and then they’ve climbed out of it. They’re in a more empowered and happier community now.

So how did they get there? What did they do that’s different from what you’ve done so far? What do they know? For that matter, how did you climb out of that negative space that you were trapped in? What positive lessons did you learn? How are you better for having been lucky enough to have that horrible period in your life?

According to The Luck Factor, the Scientific Study of the Lucky Mind by Richard Wiseman, there is a measurable difference between the people that are consistently lucky all of their lives and those that are not. As it turns out, many of the factors that cause a person to be consistently lucky are directly related to how they deal with negative events, challenges, mistakes, and the unexpected, such as the negative time that you just remembered. If you can think back to that negative time, you can harness what you learned to help you today, even if you’re having a great time right now.

The very lucky find ways to turn all of their most terrible experiences into the seeds for great fortune and phenomenal luck. The very lucky are relaxed in the face of disaster, and as a result, they’re tuned in to their intuition, they’re open to unforeseen opportunities that many of us miss, and they look for the good in the people around them, thereby generating opportunities through their optimism. In short, the very lucky find ways to turn all misfortune into amazing, wonderful, multi-faceted gifts.

As a result of this attitude, they regularly make great decisions without knowing why, their dreams, ambitions, and goals have an uncanny knack of coming true, and their ongoing experience of having great luck changes their expectations, their efforts, their level of persistence, and their interactions with others. In short, their attitudes toward life create a self-fulfilling prophecy, which automatically generates more success, which automatically improves their attitudes toward life, which automatically reinforces the self-fulfilling prophecy by which they live.

This is all something you can learn to do.

What’s the Secret? How Do You Get There?

One of the secrets of being a lucky person involves improving your outlook, and Positive Psychology has developed personal practices that a skilled therapist or coach can help you develop in your life. However, if you simply Google “Positive Psychology,” you’ll find a plethora of sites, books, magazine articles, and other resources online, some of which will provide you with scientifically validated ways that you can change your outlook just by using one or more practices daily for twenty-one days.

For example, here are some daily practices for you to try, and even without a therapist or coach, these practices will enhance your luck:

• Acknowledging positive traits in another person in conversation.
• Acknowledging positive traits in yourself in a journal.
• Making a habit of thanking people for the little things that they do, noticing what we often ignore.
• Commenting when we see someone else growing or getting better at something.
• Noticing when you do something good, rather than just going on to the next worry.
• Journaling about at least one positive thing that has happened in your life every day.
• Regular exercise.
• Regular meditation.
• Committing (and recording in your journal) random acts of kindness, which can be as simple as writing an acknowledging email to a random person in your email contact list.

The best schools of coaching are founded on the principles of Positive Psychology, which focuses on teaching some of the skills and attitudes that are regularly practiced by the very lucky. When you hire a coach who is schooled and skilled in Positive Psychology, you’ll be treated to a course of learning that will enable you to become luckier.

You won’t turn your life around in a single, complimentary session with anyone or by half-heartedly trying a couple of the above practices for a few days. As a matter of fact, designing a program that fits your life, your personality, your goals, and your situation may take considerable outside assistance.

I designed the Joyful Wisdom Community as a lifestyle, and I’m currently creating programs so that people who belong are supported by one another as co-mentors. We practice quantum meditation in groups and use special forms of conversation that shift the energy of everyone involved. Part of our process is something we call the “Acknowledgement Round.” In this round, each person takes a moment to acknowledge or thank each of the other people in the group, finishing up by acknowledging themselves for something. I consider this a more healthful practice than taking your vitamins.

Sometimes it takes professional help—especially if you’re in a hurry to achieve the results you seek. Find a therapist through your health plan or a coach on the Noomii site who feels right to you and who can work within your budget. Then make a commitment to a period of time—an actual program of change.

Sometimes, that’s all that’s necessary to start making changes—making a commitment and putting some money on the line. When you do this, your subconscious mind knows that you’re serious, and it will start doing the work, even before your first appointment.

Good luck—and that’s not just a platitude. It’s a scientifically proven result if you choose the right path to get there.