At what point did I lose myself?

Posted on April 24, 2025 by Helena Arsenijevic, One of Thousands of Life Coaches on Noomii.

At some point, women start to question where they are, what they have done with their lives, and what comes next. These women reflect on their decisions, their relationships, the choices made at the time, their sacrifices, and compromises. Many of them try to understand where they lost themselves in trying to do everything. They become aware that, somewhere between obligations and expectations—both their own and those of others—they lost the most valuable thing: themselves. It’s common for these women to feel as if they are the only ones in that situation, that no one understands them, that they are trapped in their own bodies, unsure of which direction to take, feeling as if their skin is too tight. Does that sound familiar?

The first thing a woman voluntarily but unconsciously gives up is—time for herself.
In the course of a 24-hour day, try to carve out at least two hours just for yourself. Whether you spend that time reading a book, going to the movies, enjoying a drink, hitting the gym, or even simply sitting in silence, lost in your thoughts—it’s entirely up to you. What matters is that, during this time, you are the center of your own universe. Whatever you choose to do—do it for yourself. Let yourself disconnect from the demands of reality and indulge in what you truly love. Be a little selfish, and create a space where you can simply be YOU. Not a daughter, not a wife, not a mother—just YOU. Protect this time fiercely. Over time, you’ll realize that those moments you set aside for yourself are a form of self-care, a way to nurture your health. We all need a break from the daily grind and the expectations of others, so allow yourself to truly relax.

The second thing a woman gives up is—time with her friends.
When we enter a marriage or a relationship, it’s only natural to start socializing with other “couples.” We share common values, similar interests, and often face the same challenges. This often leads to spending time with HIS friends and their wives—people who aren’t necessarily bad, in fact, quite the opposite. But the truth is, they’re not our friends. Add children to the equation, and suddenly, you’ve got the full package. Before we know it, these are the people we end up spending most of our time with, simply because we have shared experiences—married life, responsibilities, and kids. While there’s nothing wrong with that, it shouldn’t replace the time we spend with our own friends—those we’ve known long before marriage and children came into the picture. With them, we’re different—we’re freer, lighter, and, in one word, ourselves.

The third thing women neglect is their career, personal growth, and development.
Somehow, it always seems like you come last. Your husband works, often juggling multiple jobs to provide for everything, and he’s rarely home because, after all, he’s working. Meanwhile, the children become your responsibility, your “career.” It’s easy to forget that you once had your own work, your own passions, and a greater sense of purpose. Often, we find ourselves on sick leave—because we’re mothers. Our lives turn into a cycle of dropping off and picking up kids, school, practices, language lessons, shopping for presents, attending birthday parties… basically, full-time work! Who has time to focus on themselves, to grow professionally? Wrong! This is a mistake on many levels. When a mother works while raising children, she becomes more independent, fulfilled, and satisfied. Yes, sometimes exhausted—but alive, not just a taxi driver or a housemaid. She also sets an example for her children about the value of hard work and organization. We’ve all seen mothers who never worked, claiming they dedicated themselves to their children. Does that mean they’re better mothers? More dedicated? But those same children will eventually grow up and say, “What do you know? You never worked.” And all that work at home—cooking, cleaning, caring for the kids—goes unnoticed. No one remembers it or values it.Ask yourself if this is what you want for yourself.

The good news is that by focusing on ourselves, we can hold onto the good in our lives and also rediscover the version of ourselves we may have lost along the way. If, at any point, you decide to reflect on your choices and actions, and if you feel that somewhere, amidst all the roles you juggle, you’ve lost touch with who you truly are—it’s not too late! Take the time to reconnect with the different sides of yourself. By bringing these worlds together, your sense of balance and fulfillment will be restored. I’m here for you!