Do you know how to manage expectations?
Posted on March 05, 2025 by Melinda Sánchez, One of Thousands of Career Coaches on Noomii.
Expectations are our hopes for outcomes. How we feel about new projects, relationships or plans depends on how we manage them.
What are expectations? They are our hopes of achieving something or having something happen the way we imagine. When we embark on something new—whether it’s a project, a relationship, a job, a weekend plan, or a specific event in the day—how we feel about the outcome or progress of those situations depends on how we manage our expectations.
No one likes things not working out, feeling like a failure, or being disappointed. Disappointment or a sense of failure is directly proportional to how we handle our expectations. When we have a plan or project, whether personal or professional, motivation and excitement are the driving forces that fuel our brain and our desire to act. These emotions are sources of vitality, helping our brain stay active. It’s great to connect with that desire for things to happen or go well, but the difference lies in how much power we give to those imagined outcomes that haven’t even occurred yet.
Here’s an example of an imaginary person, as always in my posts:Lorena has been dating her boyfriend Lucas for over five years. Two years ago, they decided to move in together and have talked about marriage several times. Lorena is very excited about the idea; Lucas, however, doesn’t seem in a rush to walk down the aisle. Still, in their last conversation about it, he said, “Well, if it means that much to you, I understand.” Lorena clung to this phrase as though it were, “Yes, Lorena, we’ll get married very soon,” even though that’s not exactly what Lucas said. That’s just what Lorena has in her head because it’s what she wants to happen. Since then, she hasn’t stopped making plans in her mind: flowers, reception, guests…
One random Friday, Lucas tells Lorena to get dressed up for a special occasion and be ready by 9 p.m. Lorena is overjoyed, repeatedly thinking, “This is it; he’s going to propose tonight…” When Lucas picks her up, Lorena glows with the excitement of what she believes is about to happen. They arrive at a trendy, elegant restaurant. Lucas is all smiles, while Lorena can’t stop thinking about the ring.
As they start dinner, Lucas finally says:“Today is a very special day. I’ve been made a partner at the law firm. I have a challenging year ahead as I settle into the role and lead the team, but I’m so happy and proud of what I’ve accomplished.”
Lorena’s face falls. Lucas asks, “What’s wrong? Aren’t you happy for me?” But Lorena can’t find words because all she can think is that her dream wedding is now at least another year away.
Lorena clung so tightly to her illusion that she created a scenario detached from reality. They hadn’t talked about getting married immediately; Lucas had simply acknowledged that marriage was important to Lorena, but there was no agreement. This happens when we over-plan things: for instance, we can overhype a vacation with such high expectations of what we’ll do or see that, when reality doesn’t align with our imagination, we end up feeling disappointed, dissatisfied, and unhappy.
How can we manage our expectations?
Gather all the information.For example, in Lorena’s case, she could have asked Lucas:“What do you mean by understanding that getting married is important to me?”
Control your imagination.Dreaming is great, but creating countless imagined scenarios without knowing if they’ll come true can make you anxious during the process and dissatisfied when reality doesn’t match your mental picture.
Live more in the present.Ask yourself:“What can I do right now to achieve what I want? Are my actions and behavior aligned with my goals?”
Train your mind to focus on reality.Mindfulness and meditation exercises help us manage our thoughts and emotions effectively.
Learn from past experiences.Think back to times when you’ve felt disappointed or dissatisfied and analyze how you approached the situation using the points mentioned above.What could I do differently this time?
Our reality is shaped by what we do and feel at this very moment. The future isn’t real because it hasn’t happened yet. Thus, you can manage your expectations from a place of reality. We feel a certain way because a stimulus (an event or situation happening now) triggers a thought, and that thought generates an emotion within us. The more trained our mind is, the better we can select thoughts grounded in reality, enabling us to manage our emotions and expectations more effectively.
Remember: we are what we think because we feel what we think. If you decide what you want to think, you’ll be who you want to be.
