From Surviving to Thriving: The Journey of Growth and Self-leadership

Posted on January 16, 2025 by Anna Milaeva, One of Thousands of Leadership Coaches on Noomii.

Are you surviving, or are you thriving?

The difference is deep. Surviving is about making it through the day, managing challenges, and staying afloat. Thriving, on the other hand, is about feeling alive—engaged, inspired, and aligned.

In my work as a transformational coach, I often meet people who feel stuck in survival mode. They’re managing their lives, checking off the to-do lists, and holding things together, but deep down, they sense there’s something more. They feel the pull toward growth—a desire to tap into their potential and live a life that truly resonates with who they are.

Surviving vs. Thriving
Let’s break it down:

Surviving:
Survival mode is essential when we’re facing a crisis or when parts of us believe we’re in danger. It’s the foundation of our nervous system’s fight-or-flight response. This is when our parts step in to keep us safe: the planner works overtime to stay ahead of the game, the critic holds us to high standards, and other protectors are overworking and trying really really hard to keep us safe.

But here’s the thing—when survival mode is a way of life, it’s exhausting.

We stop dreaming, creating, and connecting. We get stuck in a cycle of just getting by.

Thriving:
Thriving happens when we move beyond survival. It’s when we feel grounded, connected, and inspired. In Internal Family Systems (IFS) terms, this is when our Self—a calm, curious, compassionate presence—leads the way. Thriving isn’t about perfection or the absence of challenges; it’s about living with purpose, embracing growth, and creating space for joy, creativity, and connection.

Therapy, Fixing, and the Gift of Growth
Traditional therapy often focuses on “fixing” something—addressing a symptom, resolving a specific problem, or healing from the past. And while these are important, IFS and growth-focused coaching take a different approach.

Instead of viewing emotions, challenges, or inner conflict as things to fix, we see them as opportunities. Each part of you carries wisdom, a story, and a gift. Even the parts that feel stuck in survival mode are doing their best to protect you based on what they’ve learned. Even the most challenging parts. Even the parts that scare us and annoy us (you know which those are :).

Growth comes when we re-connect with these parts, listen to their needs, and work together to create something new.

Moving from Surviving to Thriving
To kick off this year with intention, let’s explore some ways to shift from survival mode:

Pause and Connect
Take a moment to notice how you’re feeling. Are you in survival mode most of the time—focused on getting through the day—or are you creating space for inspiration and possibility? Simply acknowledging where you are is the first step.

Ask the Right Questions
When you notice parts of you feeling stuck, ask:

What do you need me to know?

How can I help you feel more relaxed or supported?
This creates a simple pathway to collaboration and understanding with your inner system. I know it is so simple that it’s sounds unreal, but trust me, it works.

Focus on Growth, Not Perfection
Thriving doesn’t mean having it all figured out. It’s about taking small (sometimes tiny), intentional steps toward what lights you up. Growth is messy, beautiful, and deeply personal.

Celebrate the Gifts of Your Parts
Survival mode and our overworking and overprotecting parts often get a bad rap, but they hold incredible strength and resilience. Thank them for their work and invite them to explore what’s possible when they trust you to lead a bit more.

Embrace the Bigger Picture
Thriving is not just about feeling good—it’s about building a life aligned with your values and purpose. When you grow, your relationships, work, and communities grow too.

The Year of Thriving
As we begin this year, I want to offer a reminder: Growth is always possible.

Whether you’re feeling stuck in survival mode or already glimpsing the possibilities of thriving, this moment is an opportunity to take a step forward. It’s not about fixing yourself—you’re not broken. It’s about stepping into the fullness of who you are, with all your parts, gifts, and potential.

In the months ahead, I’ll be sharing more reflections and practical tools for growing into the best version of yourself, not just for you but for everyone whose life you touch.

Let’s make this a year of inspiration, growth, and transformation.

A Small Practice to Begin
Take five minutes today to pause and to ask yourself:

What does thriving mean to me?

What’s one small step I can take today to move toward it?

Write down your answers, and keep them close as a reminder of where you’re headed.

In gratitude,
Anna Milaeva

Transformational IFS Coach @ www.annamilaeva.com & Co-founder @ www.fino.website – Incubator for Self-leadership