All Barriers Are Inner Barriers (Yes, Even Yours)

Posted on January 16, 2025 by Anna Milaeva, One of Thousands of Leadership Coaches on Noomii.

As the year draws to a close, I find myself reflecting on the themes that have surfaced again and again in my writing, my coaching, and my own life. This journal has been a space to explore everything from the complexity of our inner worlds to the challenges of leadership, relationships, and personal growth.

Each post feels like a conversation—a dialogue with my own parts, with clients, and with you – the reader.

If I had to choose one phrase to sum up what I’ve learned this year, it’s this:

All barriers are inner barriers.

This idea isn’t new, but it’s been deeply personal for me. The more I reflect, the more I see how it applies everywhere. Whether we’re navigating personal struggles, professional challenges, or societal issues, the solutions always start within.

Barriers and Their Inner Roots

We often think of obstacles as external: difficult relationships, unfair systems, financial limitations, or health concerns. These are all very real challenges, but what I’ve noticed time and time again is that our response to these challenges is shaped by what’s happening inside us.

In Relationships: When we struggle with connection or communication, it’s easy to blame the other person. But how often is the real barrier our own fear of vulnerability, a protector part trying to keep us safe, or an old wound from past relationships?

In Teams or Organizations: Misalignment and conflict often come from leaders or team members bringing unexamined parts (unhealed trauma)—like a manager part trying to control or a perfectionist part afraid of failure—into their decisions and interactions.

In Society: On a larger systemic level, societal barriers reflect collective inner dynamics. Polarization, violence, extraction, and exploitation are external manifestations of inner wounds—both individual and collective—that haven’t been addressed. They are external manifestations of inner systems missing love and connection.

This is where the work begins – INSIDE.

The Beauty of Turning Inward

The idea that “all barriers are inner barriers” isn’t about dismissing or minimizing external challenges. It’s not an ultra-spiritual or bypassing vision that “everything is ok and we create our own destiny.”

It’s about acknowledging that our power lies in how we approach them.

When we bring curiosity and compassion to our inner world, something shifts.

An extreme protector part, driven by fear, can soften when we show them appreciation.

An exile, carrying old pain, can find relief when their pain is witnessed.

A stuck dynamic in a relationship can open up when one person takes responsibility for their own triggers.

Deep inner work doesn’t just help us individually—it ripples outward into our relationships, our communities, and the systems we’re part of.

Examples of Inner Barriers
Here are some common scenarios where inner barriers shape our outer reality:

Procrastination: It’s not just about time management. Often, it’s a part of us avoiding the possibility of failure or judgment or maybe simply feeling overwhelmed.

Conflict in Teams: Beneath the surface of a team disagreement might be an unspoken need for recognition or safety, often stemming from individual parts carrying fear or hurt.

Struggling with Purpose: The barrier isn’t always a lack of clarity—it’s often a protective part worried about taking risks or an inner critic shaming and calling us unworthy to protect us.

In each case, the external situation can improve when we take the time to explore and address the inner dynamics at play.

Solutions Are Inner, Too
If barriers are inner, so are solutions. This is why Self-leadership—the ability to lead our inner system with calmness, curiosity, and compassion—is at the heart of the work I do.

When we slow down to address our inner world effectively and compassionately, we create space for transformation. We learn to:

Pause and connect with what’s really happening inside us.

Listen to our parts and learn about their jobs.

Act in alignment with our core values, even when it’s uncomfortable.

This inner alignment doesn’t just change how we feel—it changes how we show up in every system we’re part of, from our families to our workplaces to society at large.

Looking Ahead
As we step into a new year, I’m excited to continue exploring these themes with you.

In the coming months, I’ll dive deeper into:

Leadership and Self-leadership: How to navigate challenges from the inside out, whether you’re leading a team, a family, or yourself.

Inner and Outer Systems: How our internal dynamics mirror and influence the systems we’re part of, and how healing starts with us.

Practical Transformational Tools: Practical ways to work with your parts, align with your values, and create lasting change in your life.

This journal will remain a space for reflection, experimentation, and connection—a place to wrestle with big ideas and the everyday challenges of being human.

An Invitation
As you reflect on your own year, I invite you to ask:

What barriers have you faced, and how might they reflect inner dynamics?

What would change if you approached those barriers with curiosity and compassion?

How might inner work transform your relationships, work, or purpose?

Here’s to stepping into the new year with more clarity, connection, and courage. Let’s keep exploring, growing, and creating together.

In gratitude,
Anna Milaeva

Transformational IFS Coach @ www.annamilaeva.com & Co-founder @ www.fino.website – Incubator for Self-leadership