The Beauty of Multiplicity: Living Beyond Black-and-White Thinking with IFS

Posted on January 15, 2025 by Anna Milaeva, One of Thousands of Leadership Coaches on Noomii.

Have you ever caught yourself thinking, “A part of me feels this way, but another part feels something entirely different”?

Or maybe you’ve experienced moments of inner conflict where one part wants to say yes, while another screams no.

If that sounds familiar, let me offer you a liberating truth: this is completely natural.

You’re not crazy. You’re simply human.

This is the beauty of multiplicity, a foundational concept in Internal Family Systems (IFS) and one of the most profoundly liberating ideas for anyone feeling stuck in inner conflict or rigid thinking.

Multiplicity reminds us that we don’t have to be stuck in either-or thinking. We don’t have to choose between black or white, yes or no, one extreme or the other. Instead, we can live in the in-between spaces—the grays, the maybes, and the complex beauty of holding multiple truths at once.

Multiplicity: A Natural State of Being

The concept of multiplicity didn’t begin with IFS founder Dr. Richard Schwartz. For centuries, philosophers, psychologists, and spiritual traditions have spoken about the layered and multifaceted nature of the human mind. Think of Carl Jung’s archetypes or Freud’s id, ego, and superego. The recognition that we have different “voices” or “parts” within us has long been part of understanding the human experience.

What Schwartz did so beautifully with IFS is to take this idea of multiplicity and bring it into a compassionate, accessible framework for healing. Instead of pathologizing the fact that we have many parts—some conflicted, some hurt, some protective—IFS invites us to view this as normal and even beautiful.

In IFS, our mind is like a community made up of different parts, each with its own voice, role, and purpose. These parts are not broken or dysfunctional; they’re trying to help us, even if their methods aren’t always effective. At the center of this system is the Self, our core of calm, curiosity, compassion, and confidence, which has the capacity to lead and hold space for all these parts.

The Trap of Black-and-White Thinking

In contrast to the natural multiplicity of the mind, our culture often encourages black-and-white thinking. We’re taught to believe that decisions must be either yes or no, that people are either good or bad, and that we must pick a side in every situation. This dualistic mindset can feel suffocating, especially when life is rarely so simple.

It is also very polarizing!

For example:

You might love your job and feel deeply burned out by it.

You might be grateful for a relationship and struggle with aspects of it.

You might be thrilled about an opportunity and terrified at the same time.

Without an understanding of multiplicity, we often feel stuck in these inner conflicts, unable to make sense of what’s happening. But when we embrace the IFS perspective, we realize it’s okay—natural, even—to hold multiple feelings or viewpoints at once.

“Wow, I’m Not Crazy!”

One of the most powerful moments I witness in my work with clients and groups is when someone realizes that their inner conflict doesn’t mean they’re broken.

“Wait, you mean it’s normal to feel like parts of me are at war with each other?”
Yes. Completely normal.

IFS teaches us that it’s not only normal but also healthy to acknowledge these inner voices. Instead of fighting or silencing them, we can get curious about what they’re trying to tell us.

The inner critic?

It’s probably trying to protect you from failure.

The impulsive part?

It might just want you to feel alive.

The hesitant part?

It’s likely worried about making the wrong decision.

Once we stop trying to push these parts away, we can start to include them in our conversations with ourselves. And that’s where healing begins—when we move from rejection to connection, from silencing to listening.

From running away to moving towards :)

Multiplicity in Action: A Self-Led Approach

So how does this play out in real life? Here’s an example:

Imagine you’re considering a big career move. Part of you is excited—it sees the potential for growth and opportunity. Another part is terrified—it worries about failing or making the wrong choice. A third part might feel guilty about leaving behind stability or coworkers.

Black-and-white thinking might push you toward one extreme:

“I just need to ignore my fear and go for it.”

“I shouldn’t take the risk; it’s too scary.”

But multiplicity allows you to hold all these perspectives at once. You can sit with each part, listen to its concerns, and acknowledge its feelings without rushing to silence or dismiss it. From this space of inner connection, your Self can lead, making a decision that feels grounded and aligned—not reactive or fear-driven.

Why Multiplicity Is So Liberating

When we embrace the concept of multiplicity, we step into a more mature, nuanced way of being. We stop trying to force ourselves into rigid categories or suppress parts of ourselves that don’t “fit.” Instead, we open up to the richness of our internal world.

This shift isn’t just liberating; it’s transformative.

It allows us to approach decisions with more clarity and balance.

It helps us communicate with others more effectively, understanding that they, too, are navigating their own inner systems and struggles.

It creates space for compassion, both for ourselves and for those around us.

Reflect and Explore:

As you go about your day, notice the different voices or parts within you. Ask yourself:

What parts are active right now? What are they trying to tell me?

How might I listen to all these parts without rushing to fix or silence them?

Where in my life am I stuck in black-and-white thinking?

What would it feel like to explore the gray?

Remember, your mind is not a battlefield. It’s a community. And at the center of that community is your Self—ready to listen, lead, and bring harmony to the whole system.

Multiplicity isn’t something to fear; it’s something to celebrate. It’s what makes us human, and it’s what makes healing possible.

So, let’s embrace the beauty of all our parts, the spaces in between, and the infinite possibilities that emerge when we stop choosing sides and start holding space.

In gratitude,
Anna Milaeva

Transformational IFS Coach @ www.annamilaeva.com & Co-founder @ www.fino.website – Incubator for Self-leadership