Why Didn’t Therapy Work? And What Are We Really Looking For?

Posted on January 15, 2025 by Anna Milaeva, One of Thousands of Leadership Coaches on Noomii.

“I’ve been to therapy before, but it didn’t work.”

This is a sentiment I hear often during discovery calls. Clients come to me, referred by trusted friends or family, hopeful yet wary. They recount their experiences of therapy: sessions filled with conversations about their struggles, moments of temporary relief, but no real, lasting change in their lives.

The pattern is familiar: they talk, they share, they leave the session—and life outside the room remains unchanged. It leaves them wondering: Am I doing something wrong? Is this just how it works?

When I hear this, I often begin with a joke: “Good news—I’m not a therapist.” But beneath the humor lies a deeper exploration of why some therapeutic experiences feel incomplete, and how a different approach can offer something more transformative.

This isn’t about dismissing therapy.

I know incredible therapists doing profound, life-changing work. It’s about understanding what people are truly seeking—and how we can go beyond surface-level interventions to create meaningful, lasting change.

Therapy vs. Coaching: What’s the Difference?
There’s a lot of overlap between therapy and coaching, but the approaches—and the outcomes—can be different.

Therapy often focuses on exploring and understanding the past. It’s about identifying patterns, processing traumas, and creating space to heal emotional wounds. For many, this work is essential. However, for those who feel stuck in cycles of talking without action, therapy can sometimes feel like it’s missing the next step.

Coaching, in contrast, is often described as future-focused. But not all coaching is the same. Broadly, it falls into two categories: transactional and transformational.

Transactional Coaching
Transactional coaching is task-oriented. It’s about solving immediate problems or achieving specific goals: How do I become more productive? How do I navigate this career shift? How do I communicate better with my team?

While valuable, this type of coaching often focuses on surface-level challenges. It’s about doing rather than being, and it rarely addresses the deeper dynamics that drive our behaviors and decisions.

Transformational Coaching
Transformational coaching takes a different approach. It’s not just about reaching goals—it’s about uncovering what lies beneath them. It asks:

Why do I want this?

What’s holding me back?

Who do I need to become to step into this version of my life?

WHO AM I?

This kind of coaching goes deeper. It works from the inside out, addressing the inner dynamics and patterns that shape your external actions. It’s not about fixing what’s “broken”; it’s about reconnecting with your essence, aligning with your values, and leading your life and work from that place.

Why I Focus on Transformational Coaching

For me, transformational coaching is about bridging the gap between inner inquiry and action. It’s not enough to gain insight into your patterns or past; the real change happens when that insight translates into how you live, lead, and grow.

At the heart of my approach is the Internal Family Systems (IFS) model, a powerful therapeutic framework that makes transformational coaching even more impactful.

The Role of IFS: More Than Therapy

IFS is technically a therapy model, but for many practitioners like me, it’s much more than that. It’s a way of understanding ourselves as dynamic, multifaceted beings. It offers a lens to see and interact with the different parts of ourselves—not as problems to fix but as sacred beings to understand, heal, and love.

Here’s why IFS is so effective:

It Addresses Root Causes: IFS doesn’t just focus on external behaviors or immediate goals. It explores the internal parts of you—and uncovers what they need to feel safe, connected and supported.

It’s Collaborative: In IFS, you’re not being “fixed” by an expert. You’re leading the process, reconnecting with your inner Self—the calm, compassionate, curious core of who you are—and working with your parts as a team.

It’s Transformational: IFS helps you move from a state of internal conflict or polarization to inner harmony, creating a foundation for meaningful change in every area of your life.

Words Matter: Therapy, Coaching, and the Experiences We Seek

The word therapy originally comes from the Greek therapeia, meaning “to nurture” or “breathe life into.” Similarly, the word coach comes from “carriage”—something that carries you from one place to another.

But over time, these words may have lost their depth.

Therapy is often seen as “fixing” what’s broken, and coaching is sometimes reduced to performance optimization. What we forget is that both are ultimately about growth, connection, and transformation.

That’s why I focus less on labels and more on the experience.

My work is about helping people move from surviving to thriving, from feeling stuck to living with purpose. It’s about creating space for growth that feels alive, meaningful, and aligned with who you are.

What This Work Is—and Isn’t

Transformational coaching with IFS isn’t about quick fixes. It’s not about checking boxes or hitting milestones for the sake of it. It’s about deep, sustainable change—from the inside out.

If you’re ready to move beyond surface-level solutions and step into a journey of true transformation, this work might be the right fit for you. Together, we’ll explore the gifts and challenges of your inner world, reconnect with your true Self, and envision a life that feels aligned, powerful, and alive.

Because real transformation doesn’t just happen—it’s nurtured, from the inside out. It requires discipline and daily work and also a lot of LOVE.

What Are We Truly Seeking?

When someone tells me, “Therapy didn’t work,” my first question is often: What are you really looking for?

The answers differ, but there’s always a thread connecting them.

People want to feel alive. They want more than temporary relief—they want clarity, connection, and transformation. They want to move beyond simply surviving their lives to fully thriving within them.

They want better relationships, more energy, more meaning.

And that’s the foundation of the work we do together.

Transformation as a Personal Journey
This work isn’t about following a set formula or one-size-fits-all solutions. True transformation is deeply personal. It’s shaped by your history, your needs, and your dreams. And it begins with relationships—relationships with your inner world, your Self, and the people walking alongside you.

It’s not about finding the “right” label or method; it’s about finding what resonates, heals, and aligns with you.

An Open Invitation to Explore
So, let me ask:

What does therapy mean to you?

What about coaching?

What has worked in your journey, and what hasn’t?

There’s no single answer, no universal roadmap. But what I do know is that transformation begins with curiosity and courage. It starts when you’re willing to step into relationship with yourself, meet your parts with compassion, and breathe life into your journey.

This isn’t about fixing or rushing. It’s about nurturing the path to growth, one step, one discovery, one connection at a time.

Let’s begin together. Let’s move beyond the surface and into the heart of what it means to truly thrive.

In gratitude,

Anna Milaeva

Transformational IFS Coach @ www.annamilaeva.com & Co-founder @ www.fino.website – Incubator for Self-leadership