Overwhelmed by Negative Emotions?

Posted on January 15, 2025 by Jerry Henderson, One of Thousands of Life Coaches on Noomii.

Have you ever felt discouraged because you had to work to be happy or emotionally resilient? I know I have.

But here’s the truth I’ve learned over time: happiness and resilience are not innate—they are skills we develop, one small step at a time. Research shows that resilience starts with how we handle our emotions.

Dr. Richard Davidson’s research highlights two systems in our brains: the avoidance system (linked to fear and stress) and the approach system (driven by curiosity and reward). For example, when we are fearful of success in our lives and we self-sabotage, it’s often because our brain aligns actions with limiting beliefs—like feeling unworthy—that are housed in the avoidant part of our emotional system.

The great news? We can rewire these patterns.

A Story of Change:

A few years ago, I was working with a client who constantly felt stuck in a cycle of self-sabotage. Every time they got close to a breakthrough—whether in their career or personal life—they’d retreat, convinced they didn’t deserve success. They were getting emotionally hijacked and avoiding success.

Together, we uncovered the belief driving their actions: a deep-seated fear that they weren’t worthy. Once we brought this to light, we began rewriting their inner narrative. They learned to see themselves as deserving of success and happiness.

Over time, they started connecting with their “approach system” or positive emotions and began making choices aligned with the person they wanted to become. Their ability to connect with positive emotions led to greater levels of resilience, and they stopped engaging in self-sabotaging behavior.

Watching their transformation reminded me that the journey to resilience is not about being perfect—it’s about progress.

Emotional Resilience Toolkit:

If you are ready to stop being overwhelmed or hijacked by negative emotions, try building an emotional toolkit using these evidence-based tools to build resilience and improve emotional well-being:

1. Name Your Emotions: Research shows labeling emotions reduces their intensity (Lieberman et al., 2007). Identify what you’re feeling and the thought that triggered it to build awareness and control.

2. Anchor Positive Emotions: Savor a joyful memory or experience while pressing your fingers together or creating a “happy button.” Anchoring creates a physical trigger to access positivity when needed.

3. Practice Gratitude: Gratitude journaling has been shown to improve happiness and reduce depression (Emmons & McCullough, 2003). Write down three things you’re grateful for each day.

4. Engage in Humor: Laughter decreases stress hormones and increases endorphins, helping your body and mind heal (Martin, 2002). Watch a funny show or share a laugh with a friend.

5. Smile and Laugh: Smiling triggers the brain to release feel-good chemicals like dopamine and serotonin (Soussignan, 2002). Even a “fake” smile can create positive emotional shifts.

6. Recall Positive Memories: Reliving joyful moments activates the same brain pathways as the original experience, increasing positivity (Speer et al., 2014). Keep a list of happy memories to revisit.

7. Use Music to Shift Your Mood: Music has been shown to regulate emotions and reduce stress (Koelsch, 2015). Create a playlist that uplifts and calms you.

8. Spend Time in Nature: Viewing natural scenes lowers stress and improves mood (Ulrich et al., 1991). Walk outside or use screensavers with calming landscapes.

9. Connect with Animals: Positive interactions with pets reduce cortisol and increase oxytocin, fostering well-being (Beetz et al., 2012).

10. Engage in Creative Activities: Creative work activates the brain’s reward system and reduces anxiety (Andreasen, 2011). Whether it’s painting, writing, or cooking, let creativity flow.

11. Help Others: Acts of kindness boost happiness and decrease stress (Lyubomirsky et al., 2005). Volunteer or do something thoughtful for someone else.

Remember, building resilience isn’t about avoiding hardship—it’s about bouncing back stronger. With patience and intention, these tools can help you navigate challenges and thrive.

I am grateful you are here,

Jerry