Moving Forward With Loss

Posted on November 20, 2024 by Alex Hristov, One of Thousands of Health and Fitness Coaches on Noomii.

Loss comes in many forms and most of us know many of them. The loss of a loved one, a job, a relationship. We can even feel loss for ourselves – this happens when there is substantial change in who we are. So how do we move forward and enjoy life again? Especially when we’ve lost a loved one?

If you pay attention to the title above, you’ll notice it’s not “Moving forward FROM loss”. It’s moving forward WITH it. You can’t just turn your back on loss – it’s real and it matters. Something DID happen. So how can we find happiness and joy again?

After my half decade of isolation and being alive but not living, I started my new life. I thought everything would immediately be roses and rainbows. What happened instead was that I was no longer in survival mode and reality sank in.

I’d lost my ability to work, friendships, a marriage, a lot of myself, an entire world that had changed so quickly, a massive chunk of my life. And the loss of my sister who passed away from cancer during those miserable dark years.

Going about my day without feeling existential loss and crying at the most benign things (watching a soccer game on tv for example) was impossible.

I came to the conclusion that the only way forward was to regularly pay respects to everything I lost until was able to accept it and move forward with it.

Here’s the bulletproof exercise. It won’t make you magically happy or erase what happened. But, it WILL allow you to find joy again.

Every morning when you wake up, do your bathroom routine and get dressed. Then, before walking out of the room, close your eyes and put your hands over your heart. Now, take some time (30 seconds, a couple of minutes, whatever you need) and think of that which you’ve lost. Thank it for being in your life, for enriching your experience. Thank it for making a difference.

What this exercise does is acknowledge and pay respect to that which you’ve lost. It says “I haven’t forgotten”. As long as you don’t forget, as long as you pay respect, it’s ok to move forward. It’s ok to be happy and find joy. It’s ok.

Do the exercise for as long as you need to. Certain kinds of loss will fade and you’ll find you don’t need to do the morning routine anymore. Other kinds of loss may last a lifetime.

Pro Tip:

Is it ok to “just let go” of things you’ve lost? Yes and no. The decision is very easy: yes, you can let go and leave behind the things that are replaceable. Those include almost everything: relationships, jobs, money, physical things, etc. The NO is reserved for irreplaceable things: if a loved one passes, you can’t replace them. Carry them with you always, pay your respects to them, thank them for being in your life.